Forever
by Nurse Betty Page
Summary: The Doctor reveals to Clara that his regeneration was flawed and he is now seriously ill because of it. As he faces painful treatment to save his life, and just when he needs Clara the most, Danny Pink, unaware of the situation, gives Clara an ultimatum - saying she must choose between him and her Time Lord Lover...
1. Chapter 1

**Forever**

**(AU setting, 12 X Clara pairing)**

**After the Tardis picks up on a ship crash landing on earth the Doctor tells Clara they will go in search of it tomorrow, but then makes an excuse, asking her to go home for the night and leave him alone - because despite the fact that the Doctor has managed to begin a love affair with Clara, he is also keeping much back from the woman he loves, because he has a tragic secret and prefers not to share it...**

**But soon that secret is exposed, when Clara finds out the _real_ reason why the Doctor is keen to avoid being embraced – because it physically hurts, and that pain has been present ever since his too-fast, rapid regeneration – and the problem is worsening, leading to the conclusion that he has suffered a serious complication with this, the first in a new regeneration cycle...**

**The Doctor tells Clara the crashed ship is a medical vessel from the distant future, and the occupants have the technology to cure his worsening condition. But when Clara realises how seriously ill the Doctor is, and learns he faces painful and exhausting treatment to save his life, she remains determined to stay in control and carry on as normal, knowing this is what he wants - but soon struggles to maintain her double life - and making time for Danny becomes difficult.**

**Then just when the Doctor needs her most, Clara is faced with a painful choice, when Danny Pink – unaware of the Doctor's illness - gives her an ultimatum at the worst possible time by telling her that he is no longer willing to share her, and she is faced with a terrible choice:**

**The Doctor or Danny, she can no longer have both...**

**And then it is revealed there is something_ else_ the Doctor has held back from her – and when she finds out what it is, Clara will be shocked and wonder exactly how well she has _ever _truly known the man she loves...**

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><p><strong>Rated:T<strong>

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><p><strong>Warnings:<strong>

**Contains adult themes, discussions, deals with the subjects of mortality and heartbreak. This is a highly charged, heavily emotional fic, with heavy H/C and romance themes. An emotional roller coaster.**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing at all, just love to write fan fiction!<strong>

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

_'__The road is narrow and long  
>When eyes meet eyes<br>And the feeling is strong  
>I turn away from the wall<br>I stumble and fall  
>But I give you it all...' -<em> Woman in Love, Barbra Streisand.

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><p>The Tardis had landed on earth, it had landed unexpectedly – at least to Clara, who had been in the process of getting dressed when she heard the sound of the Tardis engines.<p>

"Doctor?"

He gave no reply as he leaned on the console looking down at the controls.

Clara pulled her thick coat a little tighter about her slender form, remembering it was winter back here on earth and most likely soon going to snow, judging by the slate grey sky she saw from the viewing screen.

She stepped closer to him, placed a gentle hand on the sleeve of his crimson lined jacket.

"We're back already? I thought you said you needed to trace that ship that sent out the distress signal?"

"I did. I communicated with them. They are close by, I've got the co ordinates and they have set up a cloaking mechanism similar to the Tardis chameleon circuit, they disguised the ship safely."

He was still avoiding eye contact.

"And?" she said cautiously, wondering why his voice was hushed.

"And nothing, I communicated with them -"

"_You just said that."_

"I know, and I said I'd help them repair their ship. A few programming errors caused the emergency landing. It's nothing I can't fix. They're from the far, far distant future, their vessel is also capable of time travel – on a basic level, nothing nearly as sophisticated as Time Lord technology, but I said I'd help them."

And he was still looking down at the controls.

Clara felt uneasy.

_The Doctor would not look at her._

He was her best friend and her lover and everything to her, even though she was yet to make the break from Danny, she knew he was the one she loved and intended to be with forever. He held her in his arms, they made love every time she journeyed in the Tardis, he even briefly, cautiously hugged her on a regular basis now.

But here he was, unable to make eye contact and she did not know why, and not knowing why, when the man she loved seemed to be unwilling to look at her, was worrying...

"Is something wrong?"

"_No."_

He had said that a little too quickly.

"Doctor?"

He turned from the console and met her gaze.

"Everything is fine, why shouldn't it be? I'm going to meet with the occupants of the faulty ship tomorrow and -"

"Don't you mean _we_?"

"Clara, we're back on earth. As much as I'd love to have you all to myself I do know you need to have some time for your own life. Why don't you go and see soldier boy? If you're not ready to tell him about us, at least give him some of your time, you don't have to be cruel about this."

She frowned.

"Since when have you been so keen for me to see Danny?"

"You have a life to be getting on with until you make the break from him. Don't let me stop you from having your own space."

Now she was worried deeply.

"Why are you doing this?"

He looked into her eyes, his own gaze of pale blue looking unearthly in the glow of the Tardis lighting.

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not. Time to say goodbye. See you tomorrow."

"But -"

"Tomorrow. I'll meet you in town in that cafe you're so fond of, nine thirty?"

And he stepped forward, cautiously holding out his arms.

"Make it quick and not too tight."

"The cafe? I thought I was coming with you to see this crashed alien ship -"

"It's not an alien ship it's an earth origin vessel from the distant future and we can do that later in the afternoon. Can't I have coffee with you in your favourite cafe tomorrow? I thought you'd like that."

He stepped closer, his arms still held out stiffly.

"_Make it quick."_

She stepped into his embrace, and he awkwardly wrapped his arms around her, gently, carefully, barely pressing her against him.

She gave him a gentle squeeze as she rested her head against his chest, listened to the sound of twin heart beats beneath his immaculate suit.

And as she held him, she did not see pain register on his face; every touch was agony, but she was yet to know that or understand why...

He drew in a sharp breath and freed himself from her embrace, hiding the pain he felt as he smiled again.

"Off you go, Clara! I'll see you tomorrow."

But she lingered, looking at him suspiciously.

"Where will _you_ go?"

"Nowhere, I'm staying right here, I promise."

"Maybe I should stay too."

Her phone rang.

"Better answer it," he said to her, and she saw it was Danny and gave a sigh, then she answered the call.

"_Danny,"_ she said,_ "Hi..."_

And the Doctor stood there watching her, and she turned her back and walked a few paces away from the console as she spoke again, and the Doctor silently wondered why she bothered to do that – he knew she was about to make an excuse to delay meeting with him, she always did that when she turned her back whilst lying on the phone...

"No, no," she was saying, "Not right now...I'm with the Doctor. I'll probably be see you the day after tomorrow...yes, Sunday. I'll be back Sunday...speak soon..."

She ended the call and turned back to the Doctor.

"Why did you lie to him?"

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Isn't that obvious? I'd rather be with you, and you're more or less kicking me out of the Tardis for no good reason!"

"No, I'm not," he replied as he led her to the door.

She hesitated, pausing as she opened it and looked back at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, and by the look in her eyes he knew she was expecting some kind of explanation, and he nodded.

"Tomorrow," he agreed, then she kissed him goodbye and left the Tardis.

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><p>The Doctor watched her leave, stepping out into the harsh November weather and walking off along the street towards home.<p>

As she walked she did not look back, but the Doctor was still watching her, and as he thought of the difficult news he would have to break in the morning, his eyes filled with tears.

"_I love you, Clara,"_ he whispered, and then as the cold began to bite at his flesh through the fabric of his suit, he stepped back and shut the door of the Tardis, to be alone with sorrow that she was yet to understand.

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><p>Next morning Clara was up and dressed and out in the cold by nine am, she went into town and waited in the cafe, ordered two coffees by 9.25 and then she waited at a table by the window, looking out as she watched, waiting to catch sight of the Doctor.<p>

As she waited, she wondered why he had been so keen to get rid of her the night before. There had been nothing, if she looked back, no indication of anything being amiss, no reason why he would want to get rid of her so keenly.

They hadn't argued...

Then she was pulled out of her thoughts by a blast of cold air as the door opened and closed.

She looked up and smiled as the Doctor approached their table, he was wrapped in a dark winter coat and wore a grey scarf.

"Morning," he said, and paused at her side, then leaned closer and kissed her cheek. Then he quickly sat down and took a sip of his coffee.

"It's freezing out there!"

"_I know."_

The Doctor set down his coffee and looked across the table at her. She was giving him that look again – the one that said she wouldn't let the matter drop until she knew what was wrong...

"Well?" she said, and he felt caught by her gaze.

"Well..." he stirred his coffee, and then he pushed it aside and leaned on the table, deciding no matter how hard it would be, he had to tell her something, and to lie at a time like this would be unforgivable...

"I needed to send you away last night because I had something to discuss with the people who need my help with the repairs to their craft."

She frowned.

"And I also need to discuss something else, Clara. I wanted to be sure of the full facts before I explained anything to you, because I didn't want to worry you."

He saw a flicker of apprehension in her eyes.

"Well you failed because I _am_ worried," she said, "Doctor, what's this about?"

He gave a weary sigh. He looked down at the table as he gathered his thoughts, and then he met her gaze once more.

"It's going to take some explaining. Please let me finish, don't cut in while I'm talking, because I want you to understand instead of jumping to the wrong conclusion -"

"Just tell me!"

He noticed her eyes had widened and become glassy, almost as if they were inflating – a sure sign her emotions were already in turmoil, and that was the very last thing he wanted to do to her, so he began to explain:

"You know how I have this problem with hugging? How I don't like to get too close for to long?"

She was still looking intently at him.

"Well, you know that problem?"

"Yes, yes, but you told me not to interrupt!"

"So I did. Well there's a reason for it, Clara. Discomfort. More than that, it's much more than that now, it's pain."

She frowned again.

"Actual physical pain?"

The Doctor nodded.

"It's been happening ever since I regenerated. And its slowly been getting worse. I ran some diagnostics on the Tardis computer and it came back with something. It said I had a complication with my regeneration."

And he looked at her, and she looked back a him with confusion reflecting in her eyes.

"So that means, what? You'll never like hugs? I already know that."

As he looked at her she saw a flicker of deep sadness, maybe even a trace of fear, and it was enough to make her feel more than a little afraid.

"What else does it mean?" she said in a hushed voice.

The Doctor drew in a deep breath and as he spoke quietly, he reached across the table and took hold of her hand.

"This isn't easy for me to say, but I can't keep this from you, Clara. My regeneration happened too fast. The old body was gone, this one was in its place and seconds later, the process kicked in _again_ to replace my kidneys. So just as I got the new body, for a brief time, I was carrying around old, diseased organs from the dying former body. It left traces of cells behind that were mutated by the regeneration process. So far it's manifested as pain beneath my skin, not all over my body, just my chest and my arms... but the pain has been getting worse lately. It's known as cellular mutation, a complication that can happen with rapid regeneration when not all of the body is replaced in one go. It means bacteria can get in and mutate. And it won't go away and it will get worse if I leave it – it could be life threatening -but the good news is, it's one hundred percent treatable and the survival rate is ninety three percent."

Clara gripped his hand, and he felt her tremble.

She blinked to stave off tears as she thought about all he had told her.

"This sounds scary."

The Doctor gave her hand a squeeze and forced a smile.

"It is," he said, "I'm scared, I should be scared... but ninety three percent is a high survival rate. I won't worry about the other seven percent and I don't think you should either. I was planning to find a place that could help me but when I got the distress call and found out it was a medical ship, as soon as I knew they were from the distant future I was sure they'd come up with something, and they have. The mutant cells can be destroyed by radiation. Two weeks of treatment, and I'll be fine."

Clara was still gripping his hand. Her eyes were glazed but she managed to hold back from weeping, because it was the very last thing the Doctor needed, he needed her to be strong because he was terrified, she could see it in his eyes even though he was trying to hide it.

"Two weeks?" she said doubtfully.

"Yes, they can target the cells with tiny, specifically targeted doses of radiation. I'll be taking several hundred each session, but it should be enough to wipe out the mutations."

Suddenly speech was difficult.

Clara swallowed down a lump in her throat and blinked to clear her vision.

"It _should_ be enough? What if it isn't?"

"Well had I been back on Gallifrey they could have wiped it out in one go with cell reversal beams that put the damage right. But obviously I can't get back to Gallifrey, so the alternative is to go with the radiation treatment. This is future earth technology, Clara. Clever stuff, they can do a lot with it."

"But what if it doesn't work?" her voice was breaking up, sounding tearful.

He gave a sigh.

"It will work. If it's not totally effective they can give me medication to wipe out the rest of it."

"This sounds terrible."

"Terrible for me, yes, _not_ for you! I want you to carry on as usual, Clara. Go to work, see Danny, see me too...I won't be going any where until this is over. I'm going to get through this, resolve the problem and then we can forget it ever happened."

He smiled hopefully.

"We can do that, we can get through this – I can get this over with, and then we can carry on with our lives. You don't have to worry."

Then his smile faded. Clara looked devastated by his news, even though he had tried to explain it as painlessly as possible, not much went past her at all, in fact she missed nothing.

He gave her hand another squeeze and then let go.

"Don't worry so much, it's going to be okay," he promised her.

Clara was still tearful.

"Radiation? Mutated cells? It sounds like..." Clara blinked back tears, barely able to bring herself to say the words that had come to mind.

"It sounds," she said again as tears broke up her voice, "Like they're planning to treat it like some form of cancer. That can't be right, you're a Time Lord, it's not -"

"Clara," he said gently, and he reached across the table and grasped her hand again, "It _is_ a form of cancer, a kind that can only be caused by a regeneration error. And it is treatable. Keep remembering that, and please stop crying because I did my crying last night when I was alone and I have _no_ intention of repeating the process."

Clara looked shattered by his news.

He felt shattered too, but now he had voiced it aloud, some how it all seemed easier to mentally process :

_He had a plan to sort the problem out, that was good enough, it gave him a firm reminder that there would be an end to this situation, and soon, because the treatment program was a short one._

"Let's go," the Doctor said and rose from his seat.

"_Clara?"_

She was still seated at the table, and she blinked to clear away her tears and nodded, then she got up and followed him from the cafe, and as they walked along the street heading back to her place, their hands touched, then linked, and they continued to walk, beneath a grey sky and through a chill wind that Clara was too numbed by shock to feel.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"_Doctor, are you sure about this?"_

Clara's voice had sounded small, and her big eyes were even wider than usual, and that worried him because it was unlike Clara to speak and look as if she were almost afraid to allow words to come out of her mouth.

_She looked scared._

They were at her place, sitting together on the sofa in the front room, with the heating on and their coats off and it seemed warmer than usual, which made him a little uncomfortable as his body temperature was naturally lower than hers - but of course, it was instinct:

_She wanted to keep him warm, to care for him._

He leaned back against the sofa and tried to relax, his coat, jacket and waist coat were off, and he had opened up the first three buttons on his shirt, purely to feel cooler and to ease the aching pains that felt like bruising around his chest and upper arms.

"Yes, I'm sure. They know what they're doing. They can sort this out for me, just like I can repair their ships programming."

"But you're talking about your problem as if its as minor as theirs! It's not!"

He shifted closer and took hold of her hand.

"Oh Clara, please don't do this, don't wrap yourself up in fear and dread and expect the worst! I'm not, I'm staying positive – I _have_ to! Also I'm a two thousand year old Time Lord, I've had health problems before – I've never had this before, but I suppose it was inevitable one day. It's a consequence of a regeneration complication, which could happen to any one of my species at any time, through _any_ regeneration process. It would have happened eventually. And now it has and there's a way to fix it."

She paused for thought and then looked into his eyes. He was trying to make out he was being positive about it, but she knew him well enough to know when he was lying – he was terrified, of course he was...

"What can I do?" she asked him, "Just tell me, I need to do something to help, I can't just sit back while you go through so much on your own."

"You can be a lot of help to me!" he exclaimed, "If that makes you feel better about this, yes, by all means, help me. I'd like you to."

And he smiled, but as he saw sorrow in her eyes his smile faded.

"Actually Clara, I'm going to _need_ help. I'll need someone to look after me. It's going to be quite rough. I was told it causes deep pain and soreness and extreme fatigue. I could get rather weak before this process is over. So if you don't mind I would appreciate you giving me a little help now and then when I need it."

Then he paused, feeling slightly awkward.

"It's funny, but even though I love you, even though we've shared a bed and just about everything two people can share, I still feel strange, asking for help. It's just me, you know what I'm like. But I was told I will need someone to care for me, especially through the last half of the process, when it starts wearing me out a bit."

"I'll be there for you all the way," she replied at once, "I'll be with you through all of it."

"Thanks." He gave her hand a squeeze.

As she let go of his hand she looked down at the carpet, lost in her own thoughts, they were thoughts she would find hard to voice aloud, but she knew nothing could remain unsaid.

"So once the treatment's over, you should be cured?"

"Should be," he replied, "I've been told there's a likely chance there will still be some mutated cells left behind, that's why I'll need the course of chemotherapy -"

Clara had drawn in a sharp breath.

"No," he said gently, "Its nothing like the kind of treatments around here in your time. It's just pills, again, I'll feel very tired with it but that's all. I should be able to carry on with my life more or less normally, but I expect I'll need to sleep a lot. This is twenty fourth century medication, very different to the kind of treatments you know of here in your time."

"But all the same, it doesn't make me feel any better about it."

He shrugged.

"Well I hate the idea of going through it, but how I feel about it won't affect how it works, it's still going to cure me."

Then he leaned back and ran his fingers through his grey hair and gave a weary sigh.

"I'm not looking forward to this any more than you are. But I do need you with me, I really do."

"But you said you want me to carry on with my life as normal? How can I do that?"

"I've arranged to have the Monday to Friday treatment sessions when you finish work. That way you can go to work, have some much needed normality in your life, while I rest and get through this tiring process of eliminating the mutated cells."

Clara frowned.

"And Danny will want to see me."

"So see him, I know you're not sleeping with him any more, I've nothing to be jealous about. But _don't_ tell him what's going on with me, please! I _really_ don't need soldier boy hanging around the Tardis when I'm feeling unwell, there's a strong chance I may be thoroughly unpleasant to him."

A smile twitched about her lips on hearing that.

"I can't recall a time when you two ever got along."

"And we never will," he reminded her, "And when this is over I really hope you're ready to tell him about us, because if he doesn't suspect anything now, he will soon. You can't put off intimacy with him forever. He must wonder why you keep him at a distance these days."

Clara thought about it.

"Well, I said I had my period last week. Before that it was a headache...I'll have to think up another excuse tomorrow."

The Doctor looked into her eyes. As she looked back at him she noticed he looked slightly paler than he usually did, but apart from that, there was nothing, no indication at all of just how seriously ill he was. Perhaps that would change soon...she didn't want to think about that, because then she would start crying, and the Doctor had asked her not to do that.

"Doctor, this treatment... is it going to make you sick?"

He shook his head.

"Pain and exhaustion are the only side effects."

"You won't lose your hair?"

He smiled.

"No! Stop worrying, I'll still look like your idiot boyfriend who flies around in his blue box. I'll just need to sleep a lot, that's all."

She suddenly shifted much closer as tears welled up in her eyes, and then, remembering he was in pain, she gently put her arms around around him, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I'll still love you no matter what this treatment does to you," she said, and her words were choked with tears.

The Doctor's eyes were blurring and he blinked to clear his vision, determined never to break down over this, certainly not in front of Clara.

"I'll be fine," he promised her, then he gently stroked her hair, felt her shoulders jerk as she stifled a sob, and then she drew in a deep breath, pulling back on her emotions as she let go of him, looking away as she wiped her eyes quickly.

When she looked back at him she was completely in control again, and at a time like this, he was glad she felt the need to be – it wouldn't do for both of them to be emotional wrecks...

The Doctor stood up and took her hand, and she rose from the seat and he led her out of the room and across the hallway and towards the bedroom.

"Let's have a lie down together," he said softly, "I really need to do that."

When they reached the open doorway, he glanced at the bed and then back to Clara.

"I'd like to lie down with you...if that's okay?"

Confusion clouded her eyes.

"Why wouldn't it be okay?"

He looked at her and felt awkward.

"I...I just thought maybe now you know you might not want to...you, know, be intimate with me, it might put you off me -"

"Don't be ridiculous!" she said, "This changes nothing!"

And then she went into the bedroom first, still holding his hand, taking the lead now.

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><p>Moments later they were together in bed, beneath warm covers, and as Clara reached for him she hesitated.<p>

"You said it hurts when I touch you. But I can't see anything wrong..."

She paused, ran her gaze over his bare chest, where she saw no marks on his flawless skin.

"You won't, it's inside," he reminded her, "Just imagine my chest and my ribs and my arms are covered in bruises, deep bruises. That's how it feels."

Then he turned on his side and as pain registered on his face she wanted to reach for him to help him, but didn't, knowing she could make it worse.

"Just give me a minute," he said, as he tried to find a comfortable position.

"Now I know why you never sleep soundly, why you're always tossing and turning."

"I would have told you before, I've suspected for a long time, but I kept putting it off."

He was finally comfortable now, on his side and looking into her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" she asked him.

"For the same reason I did nothing about it until the pain got worse. _I was scared._"

As they lay side by side she reached for his hand.

"And you're still scared now?"

His fingers closed over her hand.

"I'm terrified," he whispered.

"Don't be," she said softly, "I'll be with you. We'll get through this together."

Then she leaned closer and gently kissed him.

The Doctor responded by kissing her harder, as if to remind her the illness did not affect the whole of his body and she did not need to handle him like he was made of china.

Their kisses deepened, and then moved on to gentle, cautious caresses, and then became gentle, tender lovemaking, and their closeness and the love they shared seemed to take on a new meaning all of a sudden, it was more like a deep bonding, a silent promise between the two of them, that no matter how difficult life became, no matter what they were about to face, they would face it together, and their love would see them through it all...

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><p><em>The time moved too quickly.<em>

By mid day they were out of bed and dressed and Clara's heart felt heavy as the Doctor buttoned up his winter coat, wound his grey scarf around his neck and turned to her, saying:  
>"We have to go now. I said I'd be there at twelve thirty. And don't look so worried, this won't take long."<p>

"But I am worried," she replied.

"_Me too," _he confessed as he turned away from her and opened the front door.

They walked away from Clara's place and went down the street, holding hands as a chilly breeze sent dry autumn leaves skittering about the pavement.

"It's not far," the Doctor told her, "Next turning...there's an extra house at the end of the street. That's how they disguised their vessel."

Then he paused, letting go of her hand as he reached in his pocket and then slid his hand out again.

"Yes, I have got my sonic screwdriver... I said I'd work on the faulty programming today."

"So you're not starting the treatment today?"

She wondered why she felt so relieved at that possibility, even though she knew he needed the treatment, maybe it was because to put it off for one more day would also put off the pain he would suffer, too...

"Yes, I am," the Doctor replied, "The treatment takes five minutes. I won't feel the side effects kick in for a few hours, so I can take a look at the programming and then go back to your place and rest for a while. Then I was thinking I might go back to the Tardis, you can meet me there tomorrow – but get Soldier Boy out of the way first, okay? I really don't want him knowing anything about this."

"Okay," she said quietly, but her thoughts were far from Danny Pink – she was filled with dread at the thought of the Doctor undergoing the first of many radiation treatments.

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><p>As they walked along the road and turned into the next street and the Doctor pointed to a smart, detached house that had not been there the last time she had come around this way, now her legs felt like lead and she didn't want to drag herself forward another step, instead she wanted grab hold of him and pull him back, as if sparing him from danger, but she had to ignore those feelings even though it seemed to threaten to tear her up inside.<p>

She glanced at him as they walked on, then she looked ahead, keeping her thoughts silent and her tears held firmly back:

_The Doctor had cancer. _

_The man she loved was seriously ill, and it was caused by something unique to his Time Lord capacity to regenerate, it was not even a known cancer that these humans had ever dealt with before...how could they be so sure he stood such a strong chance of survival?_

She wanted to say, _I don't want to live without you,_ but she remained silent.

Then just as they were about to cross the street, her phone rang.

The Doctor stopped walking.

"Answer it and get it out of the way," he said, then he nervously chewed on a fingernail, casting a glance towards the house at the end of the street, and then back to Clara.

She took her phone from her bag and answered the call.

"Yes, Danny?"

"Hi babe!" he said fondly, "I just wanted to see how you're doing. Is everything okay?"

She paused, drew in a breath and remembered the Doctor did _not_ want him to know anything was amiss.

"Yes, all is fine here," she replied, "Me and the Doctor are a bit busy...exploring... it's not much, nothing going on -"

"Nothing going on? That makes a change. Are you sure you're okay, you sound a bit stressed?"

"No, I'm fine," she replied, "But I am a bit busy...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"What time?"

"Well I'm not sure yet -"

"How about I come over to yours in the morning?" he suggested.

"No," she said, "I'll come over to you, when I get back. Speak soon."

She hung up the call and put the phone away in her bag and breathed a relieved sigh.

"I'm going to tell him," she said to the Doctor, "Not now, not while we have all of this to handle – later, when the time is right... I will tell him, I promise."

The Doctor looked at her with an understanding expression.

"It's only kindness that's stopping you," he told her, and just for once, she wished her Time Lord lover was wrong, but he knew her inside out, and had just spoken the absolute truth.

"So I have to learn to be not so kind," she replied, and then she took hold of his hand.

"Come on, Doctor," she said, "Let's go and get this treatment over with, and then I'm taking you home and putting you to bed and you are going to relax and take it easy for the rest of the day."

They crossed the street.

As they walked on towards the house at the end of the road, the Doctor stopped for a moment.

"_Wait."_

She heard apprehension in his voice, and she looked up at him and her heart ached for the fear she saw reflected in his gaze.

"I only ever heard of two regeneration complications turning out like mine – years ago, back on Gallifrey. The first one was cured with the energy beam. The second one, the Time Lord had left it too late, didn't realise what was wrong until the mutations had taken over... he died. He couldn't even regenerate because the mutated cells had killed his ability to do it."

Fear shone in his light blue eyes.

"I know mine is a different case, I know mine has been slowly progressing, and I still have time to get it treated, I have a lot of time..but it doesn't stop me thinking about that... And these people treating me are _not_ from Gallifrey and they are using earth techniques...nothing is guaranteed, even though the odds are in my favour, it's _not_ guaranteed, _nothing_ in life ever is and -" he paused, taking in a breath to stave off a wave of panic.

"_I'm scared, Clara!"_

The look of fear she saw in his eyes made her heart ache deeply, and she knew she had to be strong, because at this moment, the Doctor was trying to control shallow breathing that threatened to tip into an anxiety attack.

She took hold of his hands and looked into his eyes.

"Doctor, it's going to be fine," she said gently, "It's going to be just like you said, you'll get through this – and I'll be with you all the way – and then when its over we can carry on with our lives. It really_ is_ that simple."

Her words had given him focus.

He was still gripping her hands tightly.

"Yes, yes, that's right, that's the plan."

Then he let go of her hands and took his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and briefly activated it.

"Yes," he said again, switching it off and putting it back in his pocket, "That's definitely the place."

She glanced over at the house.

"I could have told you that – I came down this street two weeks ago and that house wasn't here then!"

The Doctor looked at her reluctantly.

"We had better go and knock on the door then."

And he held out his hand to her and she noticed he was trembling.

"Let's do that," Clara replied, and she kept a tight grip on his hand as they walked up to the gate, then Clara opened it and they went up the path together.

It was Clara who knocked on the door.

Then they stood on the doorstep waiting for an answer, still holding hands, ready to face what ever happened next as they would face everything else the Doctor had to go through – they would face it all together.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Its going to be fine," Clara said, and as she stood on the doorstep beside him, she gave the Doctor's hand a squeeze.

"Right..." he replied quietly, and then the door opened.

The woman who stood in the open doorway looked very ordinary, certainly there was nothing remotely futuristic about her or about the wallpapered hallway behind her...

"Have we got the right place?" he asked her, "I'm the Doctor, I spoke to your colleague yesterday?"

The woman looked at him, her skin was dusky and her hair was long and dark and her eyes were a light shade of hazel. She nodded and stepped back to invite them in.

"That's right," she replied, "Please come in, we're both keen to drop the cloaking shield and get the ship fixed."

Clara followed the Doctor into the house, and the woman closed the door behind them.

"Now we have shut the world out, I can drop the disguise," she said, and she pressed a switch on the wall.

The ordinary hallway vanished instantly, replaced by the white walls and metallic doorways of a space vessel.

"I'm Commander Eliana, the captain of this crate - and you can call me Maria," she said, "I can show you where the fault is later on – I think I'd better introduce to you to Professor Haywood, he's the man who you need to see about your problem."

And she led them down a corridor.

"Are you the only two people on board?" the Doctor asked.

"This ship," Maria replied, "Is supposed to be smart enough not to need a horde of crew to run it. I'm starting to doubt that since the programming failure." And she stopped outside a doorway and turned to the Doctor and Clara, "I mean, this ship can jump time! It can do anything – except run all its bloody programmes properly!"

The Doctor shot her a knowing look.

"Your brand of smart tech had a lot of glitches. It will take another hundred years to iron those out."

"Great!" she said, "So much for smart tech being the answer to everything!"

Then she turned back to the door and hit a switch and it slid back.

"Come in," she said, and the Doctor turned back to Clara.

"Would you mind waiting out here for a minute?"

She looked up at him in confusion.

"But I thought you needed me with you? Outside you said -"

"That was then. Just give me ten minutes to meet with the Professor, okay? I won't be long, I just want to speak with him before I commit to this treatment."

Clara felt a spike of fear run through her.

She had been dreading the thought of the Doctor having to under go such harsh and exhausting treatment, but the thought of him _not_ having it frightened her even more...

"You can't back out," she whispered, "You're too ill, you can't just -"

"I'm not backing out," he told her, "I just need a quick word before I commit to this. I won't be long. Wait there."

"_But -"_

It was too late.

The Doctor had gone into the next room, and the door had slid shut behind him.

Then Maria walked off, leaving Clara alone outside the closed door.

She stood in the corridor feeling confused.

"_What is going on?"_ she said aloud as she wondered exactly why the Doctor had suddenly decided to literally shut her out like that...

* * *

><p>The Doctor into walked into the office, where a man sat at a desk studying a computer screen. Then he turned it off and stood up, the Doctor noticed his dark blue suit would not have looked out of place in his own wardrobe and as they shook hands the man smiled.<p>

"Pleasure to meet you after our long conversation, Doctor."

Then he sat down again and the Doctor took a seat at the other side of the desk and looked across the table at him:

The man looked a little too young to be called _Professor_, he was around thirty, his dark hair was neatly combed and his blue eyes were sharp.

"So what do I call you?" the professor asked him, "Just Doctor?"

"That will be fine. And do I call you Professor all the time?"

He smiled and shook his head

"Toby will be fine," then his smile faded as he recalled their previous conversation via the Tardis link, "Is there anything you want to ask me before we begin, or did we cover everything last time we spoke?"

The Doctor hesitated. He wished Clara was next to him, but then he remembered there was more than one reason why she was not – he had kept back certain facts, and he still wasn't ready to tell her the truth about either of them...

"How confident are you that you can destroy the mutant cells?" he asked.

Toby thought about it.

"When I ran that scan through your ship and through you too, I could see you're clearly not human, Doctor. This vessel is designed to treat _human _diseases. That's why I purchased it, I'm planning to take it to the new colony planets and treat the sick, for a fee where they can afford to pay for it – this ship is my business. But it _is _designed to treat humans. You're _not_ human, so I can't promise a cure for an alien cancer. I can only tell you that use of the radiation chamber and possibly drug therapy afterwards will eradicate it. That's _if_ it works."

The doctor gave a heavy sigh and suddenly regretted exaggerating the odds of his survival to Clara.

"Can't you give me any good news?" he asked.

Toby shrugged.

" Human cancers, where I come from, are simple to cure, most can be destroyed with a course of meds. But yours is alien in origin. That's why I said I can't even give you odds of fifty percent._ Forty seven percent is the best survival rate I can guess at._ But at the rate the cells are mutating now, I'd say you don't have much time left to think about other options."

The Doctor pushed aside his own fears as he thought again about the woman he loved.

"What about Clara?"

"I think we should proceed as we arranged, she's in no danger at all but she needs an explanation regarding the shots she's going to need."

The Doctor felt guilty, and ached to hold her as much as he was dreading looking into her eyes again and letting the lies continue:

_There was so much she was yet to find out, and he wondered if she could ever forgive him when she did..._

"We should proceed as agreed," he said quietly, "I'm ready for the first dose. And Toby, can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"Ask away, Doctor."

Worry reflected in his eyes.

"Please, don't tell Clara anything, especially not the truth about the odds not being in my favour. If she believes I'm going to beat this thing, maybe I can believe it too."

"And maybe you will beat it," Toby said to him, "You have to try and stay positive, Doctor. Believe me when I say I'm doing all I can to help you. Do you want to have the first treatment now?"

"No," he replied, "I want Clara to come in - she needs to hear why she needs these shots first."

Toby nodded.

"Of course," he replied, "And we'll do it as you requested, Doctor. Try not to worry about anything, just concentrate on getting through this treatment. As I said, Clara is fine, you're the one we have to worry about."

"I'll go and fetch her," he said, and he stood up, "I'll explain to her before she comes in, so she understands. It's better coming from me."

Toby left his seat and opened up a door that led into a treatment room and the Doctor watched as he opened up a cabinet and drew out a syringe filled with clear liquid.

"_Because you feel better if the lies come from you?"_ Toby asked.

"Something like that," the Doctor replied, "I'm already keeping too much back from her. But I think its best on all levels if I do that, at least for now."

Then he left the room, his twin hearts heavy as hated himself for telling more than one lie to the woman he loved...

* * *

><p>The door opened.<p>

Clara looked sharply at the Doctor.

"Please don't tell me you're backing out!"

She looked afraid. Seeing so much fear reflected in her gaze brought tears to his eyes, and it only served to heighten her sense of alarm.

"Doctor," she exclaimed, "You can't do this, you can't back out – this is cancer, you _can't_ negotiate with it!"

He blinked to clear his vision.

"Clara, I'm _not_ backing out. Please listen, I have to explain something to you."

Her expression changed.

"Are you crying?"

"No! Now shut up and listen!"

She looked at him intently.

"I'm listening..."

"This treatment I'm having," he said to her, "The radiation is very strong and anyone who is going to spend much time around me will need daily shots of a formula to protect them from harm. You'll need to have a shot every time I take a dose or I can't see you again until this treatment is over."

Her eyes widened.

"What about everyone else you come into contact with?"

"No, just you, because you're close to me."

The look of alarm was gone.

"No problem," she said to him, "I don't care if I need ten shots a day I'd do it, so I can be with you through this. I'm not scared of a needle, you're facing much more than that!"

And it happened again. His eyes filled with tears and he grabbed her and pulled her close, holding her tightly.

"_Thank you so much, Clara,"_ he whispered as he clung to her.

As he let her go she looked up at him in surprise.

"Doctor, did you honestly think I'd say no?"

He blinked back more tears as he shook his head.

"I'm just thankful that you said yes," he replied warmly, and then as she took hold of his hand he led her into the office.

* * *

><p>Moments later as the needle slid into her arm the Doctor watched, then turned his face away and blinked back more tears.<p>

"Are you okay?" Clara asked, and he nodded.

He watched as the needle mark was dressed, noticing Clara was still looking at him, all her concerns on him and none for herself...

"Thank you for being here for me," he said quietly, and again, she looked surprised.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she told him.

Then she got up from her seat at Toby's desk and stood beside him.

"Your turn," she said, and the Doctor glanced at Toby.

"This doesn't take long?"

"No," he replied, "And the treatment itself will be painless."

"Painless sounds like something to focus on," he replied, and he took hold of Clara's hand again and followed Toby through to the treatment room.

* * *

><p>As Toby closed the door behind them, Clara felt her nerves threaten to instantly shred:<p>

This room was like a giant lab, the equipment highly advanced and all of it said to Clara this was a place where she would _not_ understand how anything worked, and all she could do was hope that the treatment offered here would help the Doctor...

"Is that it?" the Doctor remarked, indicating to a table across the other side of the room that had a clear lid that locked down much like a coffin - Clara shivered, trying to banish the thought that the device looked like a coffin...

"Yes, it is, and we can begin as soon as you're ready," Toby told him,"You just have to lie still for a few minutes – I've already programmed in the co ordinates based on your scan results. This won't take long."

The Doctor walked over to the machine and Clara followed.

She said nothing as he handed her his jacket, then his waist coat and finally his shirt, she stood there holding his clothing feeling useless to to do anything but stand here and wait as the Doctor got on to the table and the lid closed over him.

"Are you okay in there?" Clara said, and she stepped closer.

The Doctor looked up at her.

"I'm fine," he promised.

Clara noticed he looked tense, but then she felt dizzy as her arm ached at the site of the injection, and she spotted a chair near the wall and sat down quickly, feeling sure she was just as nervous as the Doctor was, that had to be why she was feeling so strange.

Clara sat there hugging his shirt and his jacket as strips of blue light powered up inside the clear lid of the chamber. Toby worked some controls on a machine set into a control panel nearby, then he watched as an image came up on the screen. Clara looked over and saw it – a thermal image of the Doctor's upper body, and now she could see where the mutated cells were located – there were thousands of them, tiny, glowing spots beneath the surface of his skin, so small, but so many and so deeply buried in his tissue...

The lights in the chamber glowed brighter and the Doctor closed his eyes.

Clara heard a series of clicks that went off in quick succession. And then the chamber fell silent.

The Doctor opened his eyes again."Is it over?"

"Yes but keep still while I scan you again."

The Doctor gave a sigh and closed his eyes. A vertical light passed over his upper body and then shut off.

"Okay, you're free to go," Toby said, and the lights went out in the chamber and the lid opened up.

The Doctor sat up and looked at Clara in surprise.

"That was much faster than I expected!"

"And you can go home now, Doctor. I'll see you tomorrow."

The Doctor got off the table and took his shirt from Clara.

She watched as he dressed easily, showing no side effects from the treatment. Then he buttoned up his waist coat and slipped on his crimson lined jacket. As she handed him his winter coat and scarf, she was still watching him closely.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Never felt better."

"The side effects will take a while to kick in, " Toby reminded him, "Be sure to get plenty of rest."

Clara smiled.

"I'll make sure he does that, don't worry!"

The Doctor was ready to leave, but as he headed for the door, Clara turned back suddenly.

"This shot I've had – does it mean I'm safe to get as close to him as I like, I mean, can we still share a bed?"

Toby glanced at the Doctor and then to Clara, remembering his promise.

"Of course," he told her, "You stay as close to the Doctor as you like, Clara. That can only be good for both of you."

Then he watched as the Doctor and Clara headed for the door, and when they left the house, as Maria joined him, he turned to her and sadness reflected in his eyes.

"I really hope he beats this thing," he said, "He loves her so much, and he's keeping so many secrets from her, too. I'd never lie to you like that."

Maria looked back at him with understanding in her eyes.

"You wouldn't have to lie to me," she reminded Toby, her lover of more than ten years, "We come from a different time and place to them – a different situation. I would be able to handle the truth on both counts."

"I know that," Toby replied as he closed the door, "But it must be rough on the Doctor, keeping two secrets like _that_ when he's so unwell."

She glanced at him sympathetically, and then they walked back up the corridor of the ship together.

* * *

><p>"<em>Are you sure you're okay?"<em>

She had asked him three times since they had gone back to her place.

The Doctor was in Clara's bedroom, on top of the covers, resting with his shoes off and his coat and jacket off and his waistcoat too, because she had insisted on partly undressing him.

"Clara, I feel fine!"

She had that look in her eyes again , like she was determined to fret and fuss over him constantly. He thought about the Tardis. Then he cancelled that thought because Clara needed him here, she was afraid to let him out of her sight.

"But Toby said the side effects won't start right away, you might _not_ be fine, you just don't know yet!"

He gave a sigh and rested against a pillow that smelled sweetly of Clara's hair.

"I've just had the first treatment. I feel okay, please don't worry until you need to!"

But Clara was pacing the room.

"I can always cancel meeting with Danny tomorrow -"

"No you won't!" he insisted, "Go and see him in the morning. Then come back here and you and me can go back to the ship and I'll have my second treatment – and you'll need another shot. Don't let Danny see the needle marks, he'll wonder why."

"He's not going to get close enough to see that!" she exclaimed, and then she stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I know you want to go home to the Tardis, but I really want you to stay here tonight. Stay tomorrow, too. I need to keep an eye on you. At least let me do that until I go to work on Monday, then I suggest you bring the Tardis back to my place, so if we need to move you to the ship, if there's any unexpected complications, we can be there in a split second."

He gave another sigh.

"You have been thinking ahead."

"One of us has to."

Then her phone rang.

She answered it, but this time did not get up and turn her back as she lied to Danny. Instead she stayed on the edge of the bed, holding the phone in one hand, while the other took hold of the Doctor's hand and gave it a squeeze that he was thankful for, although he wasn't quite sure why.

"Danny," she said, "How are you?"

"I was going to ask you the same question but you sound okay to me," he replied, "Are you on your way back yet?"

"Yes, I am," she replied, "And I'll be round to see you tomorrow morning. I won't be able to stop long – me and the Doctor...there's this..."

"Thing?" he suggested, "Well you can tell me about it when you see me. Are you still okay with him? It's not getting too much for you?"

She laughed softly, seeing irony in his words for reasons he had no clue about.

"No, nothing is too much for me. I'm having a great time. See you tomorrow, Bye." Then she hung up, and paused to switch off her phone before she put it away again.

"Everything is fine," Clara said, "No worries, Doctor – I'll see Danny tomorrow morning and then I'm free to take care of you for the rest of the day."

And she smiled.

"It's all sorted -"

Her smile faded, replaced by a look of deep concern.

"Doctor?"

He had closed his eyes, over taken by a sudden, unexpected wave of exhaustion. His face was pale and suddenly the lines on his face seemed deeper.

"_Doctor?"_ she whispered, and she gently stroked his hair.

The Doctor stirred.

"_Let me sleep, Clara...I need sleep... so tired..."_

Then his breathing grew slow and even as he slipped into a deep, exhausted sleep, while Clara sat beside him, worry reflecting in her eyes as she watched over him, now aware the treatment was already affecting him and beginning to take its toll.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Doctor woke up in the dark and heard the ticking of the alarm clock and the soft sound of Clara's breathing as she lay beside him.

He was in bed, undressed and under the covers, but he didn't recall how he got there. The last thing he remembered was talking to Clara and then she spoke to him and tiredness had swept over him, as he lay partly dressed on top of the covers...

He blinked and glanced at the alarm clock. The digital numbers read just after four am.

He gave a sigh and turned on his back, then as aches and pains shot through his arms and upper chest he drew in a sharp breath – the pain was stabbing all over, deeply, his skin was far more sensitive to the slightest touch now.

He cautiously sat up, looked at Clara sleeping soundly beside him, and then he got out of bed, reached for his clothes and began to slowly and silently get dressed in the dark.

* * *

><p>When Clara woke the sky was cloudy but a ray of sunlight had broken through and she opened her eyes and turned over and smiled as she slid her hand to the space beside her.<p>

Then she blinked as her hand hit the empty space and she sat up.

"_I've been up for a while."_

She blinked away sleep and looked in surprise at the Doctor, who was dressed – except that his top two buttons were open and he was not wearing his waistcoat. His jacket was also open, showing flash of crimson lining as he sat comfortably in the char beside the window.

"I couldn't sleep," he said to her, "I'm feeling a bit bruised...and I needed to think."

"About what?"

As he looked at her, thought how beautiful she looked as her hair fell over her shoulder and sleep had slightly messed it up, he looked into the softness of her dark eyes and felt an ache in his twin hearts as he considered the true odds he faced - and everything _else_ he had been thinking about since early morning while she slept...

"I was thinking about the slight possibility of me not making it through this treatment."

She got out of bed and walked over to him in a short, silken night gown that would usually have seen him reaching for her with no hesitation, but this morning, his thoughts were too heavy and his body too tired.

"Doctor, _don't_ over think this. You said you stand every chance of a cure -"

"But what if I'm unlucky, Clara? What if you break up with Mr Pink and suddenly I'm not around any more? How would you feel then?"

She answered without hesitation.

"I'd miss you every day for the rest of my life. And the only reason I'm still seeing Danny is because I haven't got around to breaking the news to him about us, and you don't want to worry about me doing that while you have bigger battles to fight."

He gave a heavy sigh.

"It is only sympathy? You're not hanging on to soldier boy for any other reason?"

"No!" she exclaimed, "It's just difficult to explain that me and you have been...you know, doing just about _everything_ behind his back for months! He is a decent man, I just want to find the right moment to break it to him, I want to let him down gently because he hasn't done anything wrong."

"Except to assume he was good enough for you in the first place, that he could possibly turn your head when you _already_ have a Time Lord in your life."

There was a time when Clara would have called him arrogant for such a remark, but now she smiled.

"That's better," she said, leaning closer as she ran her hand over his hair and looked into his eyes, "I prefer fighting talk. Stay in that mindset and keep it for the treatment."

"_I will."_

They kissed, and then the Doctor pulled back.

"Let's get ourselves organised – you go off and see Mr Pink and I'll wait here."

"I'm not going anywhere until you eat something," she said, and he caught a flicker of concern in her eyes as she took in his pale and tired appearance.

"I'll eat later."

"Okay, I'll cook dinner when I come back," she told him, "And while I'm gone, promise me you'll get some more sleep."

"I'll try," he said, and she believed him, but he felt guilty for yet another lie. Sleep only came to him when he felt exhausted – pain was now preventing it the rest of the time, it was something he would have to mention later when he saw Toby.

As Clara turned away, he caught her wrist.

Clara turned back to him and as he looked into her eyes the words caught in his throat and he hesitated.

"Doctor?" she said, "What's wrong?"

"This is difficult," he said, and he let go of her wrist as she saw pain reflecting in his eyes.

"I haven't even asked you, I haven't even got that far to assume that one day..."

He thought again about the odds and shook his head.

"Leave it, we'll talk another time."

But Clara was looking at him intently, and he knew that look – she would _not_ let go of this now.

"I'm thinking about the future, in case I don't have one," he admitted.

"Well don't think like that!"

"But I am, Clara. Did you ever think about making babies with Danny?"

"There was a time when it crossed my mind – before you and me happened."

"_Ever thought about making them with me?"_

She looked at him, and as her eyes glazed with tears he knew the answer.

"You have. Okay, well it definitely won't ever happen if I don't get better. But it could - if I asked Toby to freeze some of my sperm. The treatment will affect fertility but only until the treatment stops, but if I'm not around at the end of this at least if you wanted to, you could have a baby, by me..._ if_ you wanted to."

Her eyes were still tearful.

"But you said, the odds are in your favour! _Don't_ talk like you're going to die tomorrow!"

A tear was running down her face.

"I just thought it would be better to make these choices while we still have time,"he said, "I didn't mean to make you cry."

And he got up stiffly and reached for her, pulling her close as his body ached.

"I just want to cover every possibility," he whispered as he held her gently, "That's all."

Then as pain registered on his face he let go of her.

"Sorry, I'm too sore to hold you."

She wiped her eyes and looked up at him.

"Don't talk about losing the fight," she said, "Because we both know it won't happen. _You're going to get through this_." As she spoke he saw determination in her eyes, and silently wished he could share her belief.

"You're right," he said quietly, "I probably will..."

* * *

><p>Later, Clara left the Doctor to sleep and went to meet Danny.<p>

As she made the journey over to his place, her thoughts were with the Doctor.

She had left him fully dressed on top of the covers, resting on pillows, and he had promised to sleep. But he seemed to be in so much discomfort it seemed unlikely he would sleep at all.

And he had skipped breakfast, too.

That also worried her.

She still felt worried when she rang the doorbell and Danny answered it.

"_Are you okay?"_

He had noticed, and she felt awkward.

Here she was, seeing a man she should have made the break from a long time ago, and the Doctor was constantly on her mind.

"Yes, why shouldn't I be okay?" Clara said, and she forced a smile, and went inside.

* * *

><p>Danny made coffee.<p>

Then he brought it through to the front room and sat down on the sofa beside her.

"What's going on, Clara?" he asked, "You don't seem happy any more. You haven't seemed happy for a while. Is it him, is he pushing you too far?"

She heard him, but her thoughts were partly with the Doctor and partly with the bitter regret that she had lacked the courage to look Danny in the eye and tell him the truth long ago.

"No," she replied, looking down at the table where two mugs of coffee sat with steam rising.

"Are you sure? Because you know what I said, if it gets too much, it's time to call it a day."

She laughed softly as she shook her head, still unable to look at him, because she was in serious danger of letting the mask slip now and shedding tears:

_Time to call it a day? _

_She would be there for the Doctor no matter what happened, right up to the end, if it turned out that way..._

"No, it is not getting too much. He hasn't done anything to put me in danger or make me unhappy, I wish you would stop doing this."

"Doing what?"

She met his gaze:

_There he was, Danny Pink, a nice guy, who was right for someone – but not right for her, because no one could compete with the love she felt for her man from Gallifrey..._

She remembered the Doctor had told her not to make any rash choices, and even though she knew the Doctor was the man she loved, she understood why, at a time like this, he was not keen for her to make any sudden moves to end it sharply with Danny, because she had enough trauma to deal with – possibly more, much more, if his fears turned out to be right and the treatment failed. The Doctor was taking that attitude because he cared, wanted to make these hard times as easy as possible for her to handle.

But it didn't make prolonging the friendship with Danny any easier.

"You know I love you, don't you," he said softly, and she felt sorry for him and smiled.

"Of course I do. It's just been a bit difficult lately,_ things_...a _lot_ of things..."

"With you and the Doctor and your space adventures?"

She looked at him again.

"Not exactly, I just …"

"You feel a bit like you need some time to reconnect to your own life?" Danny suggested, and he was wrong, but she smiled and nodded.

"That's it, that's what it is. I just need a bit of time...bit of space to be myself away from all the rest of it."

"Away from me too?"

She hesitated.

"Away from everyone, I think, just to get my head around all the stuff I've seen and lived through."

"_I'm here if you want to talk."_

There had been a time when she would have curled up next to him, thankful for his warmth and closeness, and told him everything. Even now, she wished she could cry on his shoulder and tell him how ill the Doctor was and how she was afraid that she was losing the man she loved – but that possibility had ended the day she had crossed the boundary and made Danny a boyfriend. If only she had kept him as a friend, than she would have told him absolutely everything...

_He was a mistake she never should have made, she could see that now..._

She looked at Danny and smiled.

"Thanks for being so understanding. I know I can be difficult sometimes."

He smiled back at her.

"I'm always here for you. Take your time, have some space, relax, have some normal Clara time. I know you'll tell me about it eventually."

She nodded, and then looked down at the coffee and watched as the steam trailed off its surface as she thought, he would _not_ understand, not when he knew she had been seeing the Doctor behind his back, sharing his bed, having sex with him, falling in love with him...it was the falling in love that was the worst part, _that_ was the betrayal that would hurt him the most, because once he knew that, he would know he was no match for her Time Lord lover...

They talked some more.

Clara remained guarded.

And then her phone rang.

She took it from her bag.

"Sorry," she said, "It's the Doctor. This might be important."

And then she got up as she answered it, walked to the window and turned her back on Danny.

"Doctor," she said, making a good job of hiding her concern for him, "Is everything okay?"

"No, its not," he replied, and sounded tired, "I'm in pain and it's not easing up. It's making me feel weak and sick, and I called Toby and told him about it. He's moved my appointment forward so he can check me over and give me some meds before I have the treatment. And you need to come with me, you can't see me today if you don't have the anti radiation shot - and I can't go into that chamber without you -" he had sounded on the verge of tears, but then he drew in a breath and suddenly sounded stronger.

"I need you there. _I need you to hold my coat._ Please, Clara...just be there for me, as long as you're the person who holds my coat while I have the treatment I'll get through it. And I have to be there in half an hour and I need you with me."

"No problem," she said, "I'll see you soon," Then she hung up, put her phone in her bag and grabbed her coat.

"Sorry," she said quickly as she headed for the door, "The Doctor needs my help again, I have to go -"

"Are you sure about this?"

Danny had got up and hurried to catch up with her, and as she reached for the front door, his hand closed over hers.

"Are you sure he can't do this alone? Is it something major, or can it wait?"

"No Danny, it's just a thing, nothing scary or dangerous but he needs my help. Sorry, I _have_ to go. I'll call you later."

She pulled away from his grip, kissed his cheek and hurried out the door and off down the path without looking back.

Danny stood in the doorway and watched as she walked away, wondering why he was seeing less and less of Clara these days, and why each time he saw her, he felt as if her love for him was slipping away...

It was then as his heart ached and he imagined life without her that he made a decision:

_He had been a nice guy for too long. _

_Too nice._

_Too complacent._

It was time to tell her he had reached his limit now – she was never with him any more, always off with the Doctor, the man who was old enough to be her _space dad... _

It had to stop, or he would end it with her once and for all – he was starting to feel like a fool, always waiting around for Clara to call and tell him she had the time to spare to see him. Today that time had been less than an hour.

Danny closed the door and walked back through to the front room, where two cups of coffee still sat on the table.

She hadn't even finished it, her coffee was still there – once again, the Doctor had come first, and she had dropped everything to run off with him.

"_I've had enough of this,"_ Danny said quietly, and he picked up the cups, took them through to the kitchen and dumped them heavily into the sink.

* * *

><p>"<em>Are you okay?"<em>

Clara's voice was filled with anxiety, matching the look in her eyes as she hurried into her bedroom, still in her coat, and looked at the Doctor with an expression of deep concern.

He got up stiffly from the chair by the window.

"The short answer is no, Clara. I'm going to need some meds to get me through this treatment, there's too much pain. Let's get over there now and see what Toby can come up with."

She had already grabbed his coat.

His right arm was stiff and aching as she helped him to put his coat on.

"Thanks," he said, and then as she started to button it up he looked at her with fondness in his eyes.

"Getting dressed is literally a pain but I can handle buttons, Clara!"

"Of course you can."

She still sounded worried.

The Doctor buttoned up his coat and then paused for a moment, looking to her thoughtfully.

"Did you have much time to talk to Mr Pink about breaking up?"

"No, I spent most of the conversation hiding the fact that I was worried about you."

"Well there's no rush. Like I said before, we need to know the outcome of this treatment before you make any decisions."

"I've already _made_ my decision!"

"I know you have," the Doctor replied, "But its better if he knows that when everything else is out of the way. You don' need extra stress right now. Come on, let's go and see what Toby can do for my pain, I need something for it, or I won't sleep tonight."

They left together, Clara taking hold of the Doctor's hand as they walked away from her place, and as they walked she said nothing, keeping her fears to herself as she wondered what would happen if there was nothing Toby could give him – so far, the treatment seemed to be doing nothing to improve his condition – if anything, it seemed to be making it worse...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Clara was holding the Doctor's coat.

As he had handed it to her she had seen a look of such gratitude in his eyes that her heart had ached – he had meant every word he had said on the phone, he could _not_ face any of this without her...

And now she was holding his coat as she sat in the treatment room, she stroked the silken crimson lining and then glanced up and watched as the beams illuminated as the Doctor lay still in the sealed chamber.

Her arm was aching from a second injection to protect her from the radiation, but she ignored the stinging ache and hugged his jacket tighter as she waited to hear the lid of the chamber unlock, meaning another treatment session would be over.

She thought about it:

The Doctor would need fourteen sessions, and she would take as many needles in her arm just to be able to stay close to him and care for him and get him through this.

It didn't seem much by comparison, she was too pained by the fear of losing him to worry about the needle marks and the puncture wounds and the bruising to her own flesh.

_It was nothing at all compared to what the Doctor had to endure..._

She thought about all that had happened since they had returned, and none of it instilled any confidence in her faith in the treatment he had been receiving:

Toby had given him medication – pills to sleep, pills to block the worst of the pain, and then he had sprayed his arm and waited twenty minutes for the area to go numb before the Doctor, who was now hypersensitive to pain, to be able to take a needle in his arm to draw some blood. Even with the surface of the skin numbed, the needle had caused so much pain the Doctor's face had paled and he had complained of dizziness and weakness and needed to lie down. The pain had done that, the terrible pain beneath the surface of his skin, all caused by a simple needle...

She hugged his jacket tighter, briefly leaned closer to the fabric and inhaled the scent of him, if she closed her eyes she could be remember any moment before the world had turned upside down, before the bad news had ever been broken.

But if she did that, even for a second, it would be running away – and the Doctor didn't have the option of doing that. Pain was his constant reminder of the truth, and if he could not escape it, she had no wish to either.

Then the lights shut off in the chamber and the machine ran a scan.

Clara got up as she heard the lid of the chamber unlock, and then as her legs buckled, she quickly sat down again, still clutching the Doctor's jacket as she concentrated on the scent it carried and willed her self not to lose control.

"_Don't!"_ she whispered, drawing in a slow, deep breath and blaming a sudden surge of panic on her dizzy spell.

"Are you okay, Clara?"

She looked up.

The Doctor had got off the table and as he walked over to her he still looked pale, but so far the pills he had taken had been enough to hold back the worst of the pain. He even managed to cross the room easily and take his shirt from her.

As he slipped it on he glanced at her.

"Clara?"

He sounded worried.

It struck her as crazy that he could be worried about her at a time like this when his own life was in such danger...

"I'm fine," she said quietly, and then she looked up at him.

The Doctor had buttoned his shirt but left it open at the throat, she had noticed he had preferred his clothing looser since the treatment had begun and his skin had become even more sensitive to the slightest pressure.

Then he stiffly reached down and took his jacket from her.

"Thanks for holding my coat."

She smiled.

"Two sessions down, twelve to go."

"And then we can put all this behind us," he replied, "At least, we hope we can."

"We will," she reminded him, and then she made a move to get up.

Her arm throbbed at the site of the injection and she sat back down again.

"_Clara?"_

As he leaned over her, what ever pain the Doctor felt at that time was cancelled out by his concern for her.

"I'm fine!" she said, "Don't make a fuss, I'm just a bit dizzy -"

"That is probably a slight reaction to the shots you've been having," Toby said as he came over and joined them, "It won't last long, it will pass."

The Doctor looked at him sharply.

"You assured me this was safe! You said, she would come to no harm, you said this was tried and tested and safe! If you've lied to me, Professor -"

"Doctor, I can assure you Miss Oswald is in no danger! I explained it to you in detail before you arrived here! The shots are _very_ safe!"

The Doctor's gaze darkened.

"_She'd better be,"_ he warned him.

Clara no longer felt dizzy.

Instead, as she sat there looking up, watching as the Doctor and Toby quarrelled above her, she wondered why she felt confused...

"Excuse me," she said as she rose from her seat, I _am_ here!" and both men instantly shut up as they exchanged a glance.

Clara looked from the Doctor to Toby and then back to the Doctor.

"What's going on?" she demanded, and felt sure she had just used a tone of voice she usually reserved for breaking up fights in the playground at Coal Hill School...

"Nothing," Toby said, "The Doctor isn't well, Clara. He's worrying about crazy stuff he doesn't need to worry about! The shots are safe, Doctor."

Clara looked to the Doctor again.

"Stop worrying about stupid things," she said to him, "I mean it, you should be worrying about yourself, not about me having a slight reaction to the anti radiation shots."

"I assure you, there is no risk from the injections," Toby promised her, "This medication has been in use for hundreds of years. It's safe and highly effective."

The Doctor gave a sigh.

"Sorry," he said and suddenly sounded weary.

"Why don't you have a lie down before you go home?" Toby suggested, indicating to a bed in the corner of the room, "Just take some time to have a brief rest. I need to run through your test results before you leave any way."

"I think I'll do that," the Doctor said, and Clara followed him over to the bed and he sat down heavily and then lay back and closed his eyes.

"Just give me ten minutes, Clara," he said, "I'll be ready to leave soon."

And almost instantly, relaxed by the softness of the pillow, the Doctor slipped into a light sleep.

Clara was watching him anxiously, but then Toby touched her shoulder.

"Could I speak with you outside for a minute?"

She nodded, and followed him from the room.

* * *

><p>Toby closed the door quietly and led her up the corridor and into a kitchen area. He gestured to a table and she sat down and he joined her at the table.<p>

"I need to tell you something, I feel the Doctor may object because he's keen not to worry you – but the meds he's on will add to his tiredness. And he's only had two treatments and he seems to be struggling. I'm not surprised, it's a very brutal course of therapy, very hard on his body. But he's going to need you, Clara."

Sadness clouded her eyes.

"He's not going to come through this, is he..."

And then the pain in her heart grew too sharp to contain and she stifled a sob.

"I'm not saying that," Toby replied, "I'm just telling you he's going to need a lot of care. A few more of these sessions and you may not be able to care for him at home. He may need to be admitted as an in patient. We have a specialist care unit here on board that can handle any problems he might encounter -"

"The Doctor won't want that."

"He may not have a choice in the matter."

Clara blinked away tears and finally pulled back on her emotions, fighting off tears with determination.

"I can look after him, it's what he wants."

Toby got up from the table.

"Well I hope I can continue to treat him in accordance with his wishes - but he may have to compromise if he weakens. What matters is what's best for him, do you see?"

Clara nodded.

"I'll let you know when he wakes up," he told her, and then as he left the room he paused in the doorway as Maria came in and brushed past him.

She smiled at him, but he did not return her warmth as worry lingered in his gaze.

"Could you make Clara some tea?" he said, "She's having a hard day."

"Oh...I see," Maria replied, and then Toby left the room.

Maria went over to the table and looked kindly at Clara.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Clara blinked away tears and shook her head.

"_No,"_ she whispered, _"I'm frightened."_

"And it's okay to be scared," Maria told her, "I'd feel the same if it was my Toby. Now, how about I make you some tea?"

"Thanks," Clara replied, and then she sat in silence as Maria set about making tea, and while she made it, she talked, telling Clara a long story about how she had met and fallen in love with the Professor many years before.

* * *

><p>The Doctor woke up after a brief rest and gave a weary sigh.<p>

"Is the pain relief still working?"

He turned his head and saw Toby standing at his bedside.

"I feel drowsy but the worst of the pain is holding off."

Then he sat up, and winced as a sharp pain shot down his shoulder.

"But it's obviously not going to block all of it. Now tell me, how am I doing?"

Toby paused.

"Based on your latest scans I'd say not too good. I'm sorry Doctor, but so far the treatment seems to have had little effect. It could be due to the fact that you've only had two sessions – or it could mean you need this treatment in a more concentrated dose. I'm not happy about continuing with the current treatment plan as it stands because its having little effect."

"_So what's next?"_

They both looked around to see Clara standing a short distance from his bed, she had heard all that had been said, and the look in her eyes made the Doctor's hearts ache – it was a look that said she was desperately clinging on to hope, desperate to hear good news - any good news, no matter how small...

She stepped closer to the bed, and then she looked down at the Doctor.

"I had to come and find you," she said, then she looked to Toby again.

"So what's the plan?"

Toby turned back to the Doctor as he spelled out the only course of action that seemed to make sense now:

"Id like to admit you for five days, double up the radiation doses and see how the situation is at the end of the week. If there's still no improvement, there are other avenues but let's not think about that yet -"

"No," the Doctor said, "I want to know now."

"But we haven't reached that stage yet, we may never have to resort to alternatives -"

"I want to know," the Doctor said, and his voice trembled as he spoke.

"Doctor, let's not go there yet -"

"I'm going outside," Clara said, "I'm calling the school, I'll leave a message on the answer phone, I'll say there's been a family crisis and I can't come in this week."

Then she walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>Now she was gone, Toby was more willing to talk.<p>

"If the intensive treatment shows no improvement , I would suggest you go home with Clara for seventy two hours and give yourself time to recover as much as you can. Then you can think about which way you want to go next."

The Doctor's face was ashen as he looked at him in surprise.

"I still have choices?"

"Well you do - but none of them are easy. If five days of intensive radiation can't reduce the mutated tissue, we can try chemotherapy – just as a test – to see if it has an effect on the cells. If not, the only choice you have left is surgery, but I wouldn't recommend it because it would involve removing so much tissue beneath the skin that I wouldn't even be able to replace what is lost with cybernetic alternatives. You would be looking at losing most of the use of your left arm, having the right one removed completely and a lot of tissue taken out of your chest. It would be a procedure that would leave you crippled - and even then I can't be sure the mutated cells would be entirely eradicated."

"So you're saying there's nothing you can do that will definitely cure me?"

Toby shook his head.

"On board this ship I have the finest medical facilities money can buy, a vast med library, droid surgeons to assist in the OR and scanning equipment that is among the finest in the universe, not to mention an arsenal of drugs and other treatments that can cure most diseases – but this ship is designed to treat _humans_. You're _not_ human and I have never seen a condition like yours before, Doctor. I can only hope I'm treating it correctly. The scanner reads like the mutated cells are cancerous. I can't even be sure if that's entirely correct."

The Doctor stared at him.

"So you think the diagnosis could be_ wrong?_"

"Not wrong, just a little bit skewed. I ran your blood sample through analysis three times and it's not detecting cancer. But you _are_ alien and your condition came about by a complication with regeneration – a procedure I know nothing about."

"_What's this?"_

Clara had returned. As she joined Toby at the Doctor's bedside, she had a spark of hope in her eyes.

"Did you just say what I think you did?"

The Doctor gave a heavy sigh.

"The good news is, he thinks it may not be cancerous. The bad news is, he doesn't have a clue what it is and so far all his attempts to cure it have failed. So I'm still dying no matter what's wrong with me."

Confusion clouded her eyes.

"But you said you had a ninety seven percent chance of survival -"

"_I lied."_

Tears pricked at her eyes and he wanted to weep too as he saw such deep hurt reflected in her gaze.

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because if you can be optimistic about this, maybe I can to. The only place I could have got this problem fixed is Gallifrey, and we both know I won't be going home any time soon."

He reached for her hand as his eyes glazed with tears.

"I'm sorry I lied. I was desperate and I still am."

He didn't know if she forgave him or not, but she stood closer to the bed and held on to his hand.

"So what's the plan?" she said.

"I'm staying here for the next five days and having intensive radiation. If that doesn't work I don't like the other choices but chemotherapy has got to be a better option than surgery, I'd refer to come out of this situation with both my arms intact."

"What about me?" Clara said to Toby, "I need shots to be close to him, and I don't want to leave him alone to go through this."

The Doctor breathed a deeply relieved sigh as he heard those words, and then he sank back against his pillow and briefly closed his eyes so tears of relief didn't spill down his cheeks – yes, she had forgiven him, she wanted to stay. He was so thankful she would stay, because it mattered more than she realised...but _that_ was complicated, _that_ was about another lie that would have to stay hidden until later, when it wouldn't matter if she forgave him or not...

"I can double your dose," Toby told her, "Five shots and you'll be fully protected until the end of his treatment. It might make you feel a bit unsteady but it's only for five days. And you can stay here with him – I'll get a room ready, you can share it, that way you can be with him at all times."

"Thank you," she said quietly as he left the room.

* * *

><p>As the Doctor looked up at her, a tear ran from the corner of his eye and he turned his head, brushing it on to the pillow before Clara caught him weeping.<p>

Then she sat on the edge of the bed and managed a smile as she continued to hold his hand.

"I'm glad I know what you're up against now" she said, "And yes, before you ask, I do forgive you – I think you've been a _total_ liar, but that doesn't matter now. What matters is getting you through the next five days, then I'm taking you home - back to my place - and you can have a nice long rest. And I'll be with you all the way. I won't leave."

The Doctor still wanted to cry, but he was sure there would be a time later, when Clara was sleeping, that he could do that without her knowing.

"This won't be easy," he reminded her, "I'm stuck here for five days and I'll be taking much more radiation than before. I'm sorry you have to see me go through this."

Clara's reply surprised him, and again it was hard to hold back from weeping.

"I'm not sorry," she said gently as she looked into his eyes, "I'm glad this is giving you a chance, and I want to be here to do all I can to make it easier for you. Were in this together, Doctor, you'll never have to face anything alone."

Clara shifted closer and gripped the Doctor's hand tighter.

He looked up at her and it suddenly occurred to her that she had never seen him looking so vulnerable or afraid – even after his regeneration, he had not had such a look of fear that bordered on helplessness in his eyes.

"It's going to be okay," she promised him, "No matter what happens. I'm here and I'm staying. We'll fight this together."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Three days passed by._

Clara kept her phone switched off, the decision was a simple one to make because it was the only way she could avoid Danny's calls and messages.

Now she understood why the Doctor had been so keen for her to wait to end it with him – they had bigger things to worry about, but she didn't need the extra stress at a time like this.

_And it was stressful._

The Doctor had been given daily treatments, intensive doses of the radiation, and spent most of his time sleeping.

Clara had spent all her time with him, in the room they shared on board the medical ship, most of the time she felt alone because he needed to rest, and her day was spent beside him, watching him sleep, and when he did wake up, all he seemed to want to do was go back to sleep again.

He wasn't eating much and had grown pale and weak - and it was so much more noticeable than before.

In the beginning, she had thought things couldn't get any worse, now she knew she was wrong.

She was afraid he was fading slowly away while she sat there, unable to do anything about it. Then every time she caught herself thinking like that she felt grateful for her strong mind , that part of her the Doctor called the control freak, because thanks to her strength, she was able to push those thoughts aside, focus on here and now, and remind herself the Doctor was alive and would hopefully still be alive at the end of this treatment.

Toby could still give no promises regarding the outcome.

Clara kept hoping for a miracle, even though she knew she was clutching at straws, it was all she could do to get through this.

And her arm felt bruised from the doubled up shots she had taken, she had two more days of this and now it was becoming painful, she had needle marks and as she pushed up her sleeve and looked down at her arm the thought ran through her mind that maybe this wouldn't fade any time soon, and if the Doctor got better, she would have to go back to work in long sleeved clothing, because her arm didn't look like her arm any more, it looked like the arm of a junkie...

Clara pulled down her sleeve to cover the needle marks, glanced at the Doctor, saw he was still sleeping soundly, and then she leaned over him and kissed him softly, and left him to rest.

* * *

><p>She found Maria in the kitchen, she was at the sink and her sleeves were rolled up and she was washing grease from her hands.<p>

"I've just been doing some maintenance to the engines," she said, "Nothing special, just checking a few components. I hope the Doctor will feel well enough to fix the programming errors when he's out of bed."

"He won't forget," Clara said quietly.

She watched as Maria dried her hands, and then she turned away from the sink and looked at her.

"How is the Doctor?"

"He's very tired. Sleeping most of the time."

"Toby said he would need a lot of rest. But once this treatment's over, he'll get a bit stronger. The side effects don't last long at all, Clara."

"I'm not worried about the side effects any more," she said to her, "I'm thinking about the end result, I keep desperately hoping there's going to be some good news."

Then she walked over to her and as worry reflected in her eyes, asked her a question:

"Maria, what else has Toby said? Does he think the Doctor stands much of a chance of coming through this?"

"He doesn't know," Maria replied, "He said to me, he could be cured, or at the very least, if it works, it could prolong his life. I know this is difficult, its difficult for both of us, seeing him go through so much. Where I come from, in my time, these kind of treatments are usually reserved for patients who are very, very sick with advanced cases of disease. Most cancers are detected early and easily cured with medication. But I'm referring to human cases, not alien types and similar conditions...that's a field he knows little about. Toby is learning as he goes along with the Doctor's case. There's nothing else he can do for him but try."

As they stood together, Clara paused for thought and then she asked another question.

"Do you think the Doctor might have stood a better chance of a cure if he'd looked elsewhere? I mean, you're a medical ship designed to treat human patients...he's got a Tardis, he can go anywhere in the universe to find help, there must have been somewhere else he could have gone, that might have been able to give him more effective treatment."

And Maria looked at her and said nothing.

"Maria?"

She struggled to answer.

"Well, I suppose the pain was getting too much and he knew he had to do something fast -"

"But he's got a Tardis!" she said again, "_Why_ didn't he search the data base and find somewhere in the universe that could be of more help? Why ask Toby, why not just fix the programming error for him and then get back in the Tardis and go somewhere better, where alien technology might be able to help him?"

"I...I'm not sure," she said, and Clara looked at her intently.

"Are you keeping something back from me?"

Maria laughed, but sounded nervous.

"Of course not! Why would I do that? The Doctor came here because he needed help and we happened to turn up at the right time. His condition is complicated and this ship is equipped to handle most diseases. Toby came to the conclusion that he's not sure what he's up against, but he's going to try everything he possibly can to save the Doctor. He's a good man, Clara. Please have faith in him."

But the look in her eyes had hardened.

"Don't start talking about how wonderful your boyfriend is, I asked you a question! Is there something else? Are you hiding something?"

"_No."_

Clara frowned.

"Why do I feel as if you are?"

"Because those shots you've been taking are making you sore and irritable and you're worried about the man you love, that's why nothing makes sense. If it was Toby going through this I'd be climbing the walls! You're coping really well, Clara. And two days from now, you can take him home and spend some time together. That's going to do him a lot of good, and you, too. Wait till you're out of here, everything will make sense then."

But she was still looking hard at her as suspicion began to prickle.

"Sorry, but I still feel as if you're hiding something, or keeping something back... Is there something going on, something you don't want the Doctor to know about?"

That look was back again, like she was on edge about something and clearly, not good at hiding it.

"No, Clara! Stop reading too much into what's going on! You're just feeling stressed, you've got a lot to cope with, a lot to worry about. I'd probably be feeling just like you -"

"If it was your Toby, you already said that."

"And I was telling the truth. Now why don't you go and sit with the Doctor? He's probably going to wake up again soon."

She nodded.

"I'll do that," she said quietly, and then she left the room and walked back down the corridor, still wondering if Maria was lying...

* * *

><p>When Clara returned to the Doctor's bedside, she felt troubled by all she had learned.<p>

She didn't know if Maria was hiding something, but another thought had come to mind, and as she sat on the edge of the bed and blinked away tears of frustration, she felt guilty for feeling angry with the Doctor at a time like this. She looked down at him, he was pale and weak and the lines on his face seemed to have deepened greatly, she was sure he had lost weight since this had started, and now was the worst time to pick a fight, she really didn't want to do it, but as he opened his eyes and looked up at her, she could not hold back because she had just realised something, and it had to be said...

"How are you feeling?" she asked him.

"Exhausted," he replied.

Clara paused, still feeling sure she would hate herself for what she was about to say. It was the wrong time, but it had to be said now, because she couldn't let go if it.

"I just had a conversation with Maria. She was talking about these treatments from her time, and something just occurred to me. Maybe it should have come to me before, but I've been so wrapped up in my worries about you that I missed it."

Her tone sounded almost accusing.

The Doctor met her gaze. He was deathly pale and by the look in his eyes clearly in pain, and knowing that made her feel terrible, but Clara was angry.

"She said most cancers can be cured by a simple course of medication. Did you know that? Did you know that somewhere out in another time and space, there was a cure for human cancers?"

"Of course I did."

"So why did you not share that knowledge with earth, with the people of this planet you claim to love so much?"

The Doctor briefly closed his eyes as he drew in a breath and tried to ignore the pain that sank deep to his bones. Then he looked up at Clara.

"Because as harsh as it sounds, the scientists of your time – even the greatest on your planet – have yet to understand the alien technology that will develop it. That doesn't happen for a few years yet. If I was to give the cure to your scientists they would not understand it, the medication would _not _save lives it would kill instead of cure because the time is_ not_ right to work with other species to develop these drugs!"

Anger burned in her eyes.

"Oh Clara, Clara, please. Try and understand -"

"_Understand? How can I understand there is a cure for cancer on board this ship and no one is sharing it with the world?"_

"Because the time is not right for your people to understand how to manufacture it, or how it works! One day, a few decades from now, the cure will be developed – for a _lot_ of human diseases. But the time has to be right, and it will be achieved with alien input!"

Then he gave a sigh and closed his eyes, too exhausted to continue the discussion.

"Please try and understand," he said quietly.

"I'm not sure I do," Clara replied, and she turned away from his bedside.

"I'm going out. I need to get some air. I might go home for the night."

He opened his eyes, looking in alarm at Clara, who was walking away.

"Did you have your shot today?"

"Yes, I'm protected from the radiation, don't worry about me - just like you don't consider the rest of my kind!" she snapped, and then she left the room and closed the door behind her. The Doctor sank back exhausted against his pillow and drew in a slow breath, feeling sure the pain seemed much worse now Clara had left his side.

* * *

><p>Much later at home, as she stood in the kitchen and cradled a cup of coffee in her hands, she looked through the glass at the dark sky and the glowing moon and thought of the creature within it that slumbered. She recalled the day she had quarrelled bitterly with the Doctor over the fate of the moon, and tears pricked at her eyes as she thought how she had also been unfair today, speaking to him so harshly while he was so very ill...<p>

Maybe she had been too harsh, to blame him for not sharing the cure with earth. He knew so much about the future, perhaps the medical advances that were to come were too important to be messed with in a linear sense.

_But it didn't make it fair._

_Nor was it right, or wrong – perhaps this was another one of those awkward choices a Time Lord had to make, to weigh up what would be best for mankind...in this case, miracle drugs that cured all diseases could not be used until the time was right to understand them. _

It sounded harsh, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense.

She now wished she had not spoken so sharply to him, not then, when he was ill and in pain.

She also wished she had not left him.

Clara finished her coffee and set the cup down and turned from the window.

Her mind was made up now, she was going back, because the Doctor needed her.

And then the doorbell rang.

She gave a heavy sigh.

The doorbell rang again, then the letter box rattled.

"_Clara?"_

"_Oh no, not now, Danny!" _she said, and then as he called her name again, she walked reluctantly down the hallway and answered the door.

* * *

><p>"I've been trying to call you all week!"<p>

She stepped back wearily and let him in.

Danny went down the hallway and through to the front room, and she followed, her heart heavy as she thought again of the Doctor and wanted nothing more than to be back where she belonged – at his side.

Danny sat down on the sofa.

She sat beside him.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I've been busy. _Really_ busy -"

"_With the Doctor."_

"Yes, with the Doctor."

"_Again."_

She gave a sigh.

"Danny, now is not a good time. I know we need to talk and we will – but not tonight, I have to -"

"See the Doctor again?"

The look in his eyes hardened.

"You know I love you, right? You know I try to understand, but it's getting a bit much, you're never around any more!"

"It's been difficult."

"Can we make some time to meet up this weekend? I thought maybe we could go out for dinner, talk things over."

"This weekend? No, I can't. The Doctor needs my help!"

Danny paused. He knew what he wanted to say but he also knew that once those words had been said, there could be no taking them back, and that ripped at his heart.

But then as he looked at Clara he saw that same expression reflected in her eyes, the one he had grown weary of – that look said to him, the Doctor would always come first...

Suddenly, those words had become easier to say out loud.

"I think you've been lying to me. I think you're in love with him. I'd appreciate the truth."

Clara looked intently at him, gathering her thoughts.

"_I do love him."_

"Then it's time you made a choice – me or him. I've had enough of this, Clara. I'm not sharing you any more."

The pain that reflected in his eyes was not a pleasant sight to see, knowing she was responsible for it. But he had asked for the truth, so she gave it to him.

"There's no choice to make any more, because I've already made it– I'm with the Doctor, "she replied, "Because I love him -"

"_Have you slept with him?"_

His tone was accusing.

"Of course I have! I _love_ the man! And I'm sorry we didn't work out, but it's always been him, even before realised it – I've always loved him. And now I have to go because he needs me -"

"What's that?"

Danny hand grabbed her arm as she rose from her seat, and as he looked in horror at the bruises and the needle marks, she sat back down again and tugged away from his grip, pulling down her sleeve to cover the puncture wounds.

"That's just bruising, Danny."

"Why?"

She hesitated – the Doctor had not wanted him to know, but in light of how their conversation had turned out, she felt an explanation was only fair, and would change nothing.

She drew in a deep breath, thought of all she needed to say and struggled to keep her emotions in check, because thinking of all the Doctor had gone through, and was still going through, made her want to cry.

"He's seriously ill. He's having radiation treatment and I need daily injections so I can be close to him and not be affected by it. At first he was told it was a form of cancer but since then it turns out it's not, it's something to do with cell mutation when he had a complication with the regeneration process. So it's still bad news, because the specialist doesn't know how to treat him. He doesn't even know what he's up against. And the Doctor is weak and tired and hurting and I'll be spending every moment with him because I love him, because the man I love could be dying and if he does die, a part of me will also die because he means that much to me, he's _everything_ to me, okay?"

Danny was staring at her.

"I...I had no idea...I'm sorry. I mean, I don't like the guy because he took you away from me, but I'm sorry the one you love is so ill. You don't deserve to be going through any of this."

"No," she replied, "_He_ doesn't deserve to be going through this! Don't feel sorry for me, Danny, I'm not the one fighting for my life!"

Danny rose from his seat.

"I'd better leave you to get on with...whatever, then."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I should have been honest."

Danny let that remark fly past him, as he looked at Clara a sudden thought came to mind and he looked at her in alarm.

"_I hope he's telling you the truth."_

"What?" she said sharply.

"About this illness he's got. I mean, think about it... You need all these shots to protect you...What if it's not about the radiation? What if he's got some sort of _space disease_ and you might be at risk of catching it? Maybe you should keep away, at least for the weekend, go back on Monday, see how he is then."

Clara's eyes widened as she looked at him in disbelief.

"_Space disease?_ Danny, I just explained -"

"And just because you're not with me any more doesn't mean I have to stop caring! Keep away for a couple of days, look after yourself!"

Clara blinked away tears of anger as she glared at Danny Pink.

"_I'll tell you what I'll be doing this weekend – the same thing I've been doing all week! I'll be keeping him warm, trying to persuade him to eat, cleaning up his sick when he can't handle food and making sure he takes all his meds on time! And if that's how its going to be forever, I'll take it on because I love him._ _And as for a space disease, I'll tell you what, Danny – if I could change places with him, I would, because I love him that much! I'd rather go through it myself than watch him suffer!"_

"I think I should go," Danny said quietly.

"Yes, please do," she said, "And don't come back. I am with the Doctor now, whether it lasts forever, or whether he dies next week. I've made my choice and I will _never_ regret it."

Danny looked at her and the heartbreak she saw in his eyes gave her a flicker of guilt as again she wished she had been truthful much sooner. Then it was gone, and she felt a weight lift from her mind knowing he finally had the truth, and the break had been made.

"Bye," he said, "I hope it all works out for you, I wouldn't want you to be unhappy."

Then he turned away and left the room.

Moments later she heard the door close heavily and she breathed a relieved sigh, knowing at last she was free to be with the Doctor, the man she truly loved, and now she could be with him forever – no matter how long or short _forever_ turned out to be...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Clara's mind had been a swirl of panic after Danny left.

Not because Danny had left once and for all, but because her phone had rung, just as she had waited, giving Danny time to clear off far away before she left and made the journey a few streets away to the Doctor's location - that was when her phone had rung and the Doctor's number had come up, but when she answered, it was not the Doctor – it was Toby.

Now Clara was hurrying along the street turning into the road where the concealed ship was situated and her mind was still running over the conversation she had just shared that had sent her mind into a spin of panic:

_She had answered the call calmly enough._

"_Hello Doctor, how are you -"_

"_Clara," he had cut in, "This is Toby. I'm sorry to alarm you like this but the Doctor's condition has deteriorated."_

"_What?" she had replied, and that was the moment she felt as if the floor gave way beneath her feet._

"_He's hit a crisis point, his body is in a state of total exhaustion. I've got him on fluid and meds that should temporarily pick him up, but we have to stop the radiation treatment. It's not working any way, I've compared the scan results and there's very little change."_

"_Then maybe you should start thinking about using something else!" she exclaimed, "There must be something you can do for him -"_

"_I am, Clara. I've been working based on the results of the three dimensional scans, which ought to cover everything – but clearly, the scans are missing something. So I used the opportunity while he was out to take a biopsy, I've upped his pain meds so he should be able to cope with the pain when he wakes -"_

_She had her coat on, had grabbed her keys, half tripped on the rug and reached for the front door as she cut in again._

"_While he was out? What do you mean, out?"_

"_He lost consciousness. But his vital signs are getting stronger now, he should be awake soon."_

_Clara had slammed the door, hurried up the path and dashed off down the street, the phone still tight to her ear as she spoke again, breathless as her heart began to race:_

"_He passed out?"_

"_Yes but I'm hoping to test the new medication on the cells I removed. I'll know within forty-eight hours if the chemotherapy will be effective. If the test result isn't good, I really don't know where to go from there."_

_She was walking quickly along the street turning the corner and she paused to cross the road as rain began to fall lightly._

"_At last you're testing it before using it, that's got to be a good thing. I don't want him to have any more treatment that makes him ill and does nothing to help him."_

"_Of course, but you must understand, I'm treating an alien condition I barely understand."_

"_And I still don't know why he chose you to treat him."_

_Clara broke into a run, not caring about the rain but thinking only of reaching the Doctor as the house at the end of the street came into view._

"_I'm sure he had his reasons, and I'm doing the best I can for him," Toby replied._

"_I'll be there in a minute," Clara had told him, "I'm on my way now..."_

She was damp from the rain and slightly out of breath from her dash through the streets, but as she rang the bell and waited on the doorstep she felt a hammering in her chest that threatened to rapidly spiral into a panicked dizziness as she waited for the door to open.

_She knew the Doctor was ill, it shouldn't be such a shock that he had passed out._

_But he had passed out when she had not been there, and although she knew it was not her fault, she felt as if it was, because perhaps it could not have happened if she had stayed with him.._

_It made no sense to think like that, but she did, because she loved him and right now, being there was all she could do for him..._

Toby answered the door.

The cloaking system was down and she was looking into the interior of the ship instead of the disguised hallway.

Clara pushed past him.

"Get out of my way," she said as her voice trembled, "I want to see the Doctor!"

* * *

><p>A few minutes later she was in the treatment room behind Toby's office, the needle was sinking into her arm and whatever was inside the syringe stung as it hit a vein.<p>

Clara didn't even care about the discomfort.

"Is he okay? And _why_ do I still need these shots if he's coming off the radiation treatment?"

He pushed the last of the fluid into her arm and then slid the needle out.

Blood flowed from the needle mark, a fresh puncture amid a sea of others, deep in bruised flesh. Toby began to dress the wound.

"That was a triple shot, your last one. I promised the Doctor I'd take care of you first. That's what I've done."

She gave a sigh of frustration.

"I don't matter like – no – what I _mean_ is, I want_ him_ to come first! He's dying, I'm healthy, he _should_ come first -"

"He wanted to put you first," Toby replied, and as he disposed of the syringe he avoided her gaze.

"No," she said, and she felt an ache in her punctured arm as she raised her hand and ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it off her face, "There's no reason to put me first! His _life_ has to come first!"

Toby finally met her gaze. The emotion she saw in his eyes was unexpected.

"If I was in his position, I'd put Maria first," he said.

Her eyes widened.

"And now you're sounding just like your girlfriend!"she exclaimed.

But the emotional look was still in his eyes.

"Ever since I first spoke with the Doctor he was always concerned that you should come first, that your well being should come before his. He said to me even if I couldn't save him, he wanted to be sure that you would come out of this unharmed. But I can't save you from heart break and neither can he if the worst happens. Forty-eight hours from now I'll be able to tell you both if he has any hope left – or not. As soon as he's feeling strong enough, I think you should take him home, Clara. Make the most of this time because I can't guarantee what lies beyond it."

Tears stung at her eyes as she nodded.

"I will, I'll take him home as soon as he's feeling strong enough."

"And I'm going back to work on the test results," Toby replied, "I'll be along to speak to the Doctor before he leaves. He should be feeling much better very soon. You can go and see him now."

Clara hurried towards the door leading to the corridor.

"Remember to tell him you've had the last of your shots," Toby called to her, "Set his mind at ease, he's going to ask."

But Clara gave no reply as she hurried off, impatient to be reunited with the Doctor.

* * *

><p>As she entered the room, Clara closed the door quietly behind her and walked over to the Doctor's bed.<p>

He was sleeping deeply, his face was still pale and now he was hooked up to an IV line that ran into the back of his hand.

"_Toby says you're going to wake up soon. I hope he's right."_

She had spoken softly, and she leaned over him and briefly touched his cheek and then swept her hand over his hair.

He gave a sigh and slowly opened his eyes. The Doctor looked drowsy from the medication, but as Clara came into focus he managed a smile.

"_Good to see you again, love – did Toby tell you, I've not been doing so good...sorry, I didn't mean to worry you..."_

She blinked back more tears and sat on the edge of his bed, taking hold of his hand gently, being mindful of the line that ran into the back of it.

"He told me he has to stop the radiation treatment. And he's taken a biopsy of the cell mutations, he's going to test it and find out if..."

He saw the look in her eyes and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Clara, I remember that. He told me the treatment had to stop... I think I must be dosed up pretty high, I can't feel where he took the tissue from."

She noticed a small dressing on his other arm.

"He said you won't feel the pain, you're on a lot of medication."

The Doctor drew in a slow breath as he looked into her eyes.

"And I'm guessing he's testing the tissue to see if the chemo's going to be worth bothering with?"

She nodded.

"We have forty eight hours, then he should have an answer. He said even if it won't work, he's going to keep trying, he's not giving up on you."

And the Doctor looked at her, she saw pain in his eyes, but as he spoke again he had no concern for himself.

"Clara," he said weakly, "You have to finish the course of injections, it's very important."

She leaned closer to him and gently stroked his cheek again.

"No, no, _don't_ worry about me! I completed the course today – Toby gave me a triple shot, he asked me to remind you I've completed the course now."

The Doctor blinked and a tear ran from the corner of his eye.

"_Good,"_ he whispered.

Clara wiped away the tear and looked at him in confusion.

"Why are you doing this? _Why _are you worrying about me? You're the one who needs looking after, I'm absolutely fine – apart from a bruised arm, which I can live with! _Stop it_, I'm okay!"

"Yes, you are," he said weakly, "And I'm glad about that. Don't worry about me – I think I know what Toby's going to say after he's run the test on the tissue sample."

Now it was becoming a struggle for Clara to hold back from weeping.

_He knew, the Doctor already knew his chances of a cure were slim..._

"But he's not going to give up! And maybe there will be some drugs that actually work for you, he's going to work hard on it and find out."

"I doubt he can do much more for me at all."

The Doctor sat up cautiously, and then he let go of Clara's hand.

"I don't know what he's given me, but I'm feeling a lot stronger now."

"He said you would. _Don't do that _-"

"I don't need it any more."

He carefully took hold of the hollow needle fixed to the back of his hand and drew it out.

"Doctor, you shouldn't -"

"Clara, I'm okay...well, I'm okay for _now_."

"Toby said you can come home with me when you feel ready."

"I'll be sure to fix their ship's programming fault before I leave," he replied, "Just in case I'm in no fit shape to do it later. These people have tried to help me, I'd hate to die and leave them stranded here on Earth in the wrong time."

"Don't talk like that."

The Doctor's gaze hardened.

"You need to face facts, Clara – I'm sick and there may not be a cure. At least you get to live your life regardless of what happens to me. Pass me my clothes, I want to get dressed."

She stared at him.

"I can't believe you just said that! How do I get to live my life as if nothings wrong, if I lose you? How could you even think like that?"

Her reaction surprised him.

"Sorry," he said, "I'm on a lot of meds, I guess I'm not thinking too clearly. Forget I said that, forget I said anything at all. Hand me my suit, please. I want to get out of here."

* * *

><p>The Doctor managed to get dressed with little help, Clara knew it was down to the medication having a temporary effect of lending him strength and freedom from pain, but for now, she wanted to enjoy the illusion that he was well again as much as he did.<p>

Toby came in just as the Doctor was slipping on his jacket, and as he explained he would have the deciding news in two days time, the Doctor simply nodded and thanked him for his help, and then he asked him to direct him to the programming area so he could repair the ship's damage.

A short while later they were in the upper level in a small room, once again Clara was holding the Doctor's coat, but this time she was holding it because his sleeves were rolled up and he was working on a wiring problem.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her, and his back was still turned as he activated the sonic screw driver over a small electronic circuit.

"You."

"I know that, I can feel those wide eyes of yours boring holes into the back of my head, I was hoping you might be more specific!"

She laughed.

"You sound just like..."

He turned his head and she could not avoid his gaze.

"Like I used to, before I was ill?"

She nodded, and he noticed she hugged his coat a little tighter.

"It won't last," he turned back to the electrical system and continued to work, "Toby gave me a huge dose of medication to basically keep me going for a short while, that's all. This work won't take long. When I'm finished up here I'm going home with you."

And Clara said nothing in reply as she hugged his coat and continued to watch him work.

* * *

><p>Half an hour later Clara finally left the ship, with the Doctor at her side.<p>

She had hoped when he had finally left that place, he would have been recovered - and he seemed recovered - but she knew he wasn't and it made her heart feel heavy, while at the same time she desperately wanted to cling to every moment, because she knew that none of this improvement would last...

The Doctor was walking briskly, wrapped up warmly in his scarf and heavy coat, oblivious to the icy cold and the rain that had turned to light flakes of snow as they made their way back to her place.

Dusk was turning to wintry darkness and the street lights were on and as they walked she watched the flakes of snow thicken as they fell, she watched them illuminated through the yellow haze of the street lights - and a sudden thought struck her that she could not shake off:

_Every second was like gold dust now, she wanted to grab every single moment of time they still had left and make it last, but of course it wouldn't last, because time was like those flakes of snow, if she caught one and tried to cling to it, she knew it would melt, it would vanish and all she would have left was a memory._

_Time..._

_It was suddenly a frightening thought._

* * *

><p>After they arrived back at her place, when the lights were on and the curtains closed and the fire was glowing and the icy world outside truly closed out, as flakes of snow melted away on the lapels of the Doctor's coat that now hung in the hallway beside her own, Clara finally felt able to allow herself to relax a little, because the Doctor was resting where she wanted him to be – on her bed, that place where he belonged, the bed that carried the scent of both of them, he wasn't in the sick bay of some cold and clinical ship any more, he was home.<p>

The Tardis was still in the corner of the room, his world was here now, in hers, and she felt as if at least for now she could keep him safe, as sure as she could shut out the cold outside by closing the door on it...

"Are you still feeling okay?" she asked cautiously as she entered the room.

The Doctor glanced to the bowl of soup she set down on the beside table and his expression softened.

"You humans, you're so touchingly kind and innocent, forever convinced anything and everything can be cured with chicken soup."

"I just want you to eat."

"I will," he promised her, "I still feel okay, and I have to make the most of it."

And he set the tray down on the bed, then paused to glance at his phone that was next to the bedside lamp.

"I'm waiting for it to ring," he said, "Don't expect good news when it does."

"I haven't given up yet," she reminded him, "And neither should you."

"Thanks for the soup," he said, "Little things like this remind me just how much I love you."

He saw a look of surprise in her eyes, and then he said no more as he started on the soup.

Clara was relieved to see he was finally eating again, but as she sat on the edge of the bed her gaze kept shifting to the Doctor's phone.

_For now, it was silent._

But she knew when it rang it would be Toby, and the news would either bring hope or despair. _She had never felt so terrified before, simply because she was waiting for a phone to ring..._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_The phone remained silent._

Clara watched as the Doctor's eyes grew heavy, and then she helped him out of his clothes and into bed, and she had joined him, lying close and warm beside him with her arm around him as his breathing slowed to an even pace and his body relaxed as he drifted into a deep sleep.

She looked at him in the soft glow of the bedside lamp and wished again that time was not as short lived as a snowflake – if she could freeze one moment, it would be this one, watching him sleep while he was free from pain, while they had this brief window of time blessed with normality once more.

"_I love you so much,"_ she whispered, _"Please don't die, don't leave me. I never want you to leave me, Doctor."_

And he gave a sigh and shifted closer to her, leaning heavily against her, because the drugs were still blocking his pain, and as she considered how she could at least for now enjoy holding him, she held him that little bit tighter as he continued to sleep.

_But Clara had little sleep that night._

She stayed awake, watching him as his chest rose and fell, each breath reassuring her that he was still here, still alive and for now, able to rest. His warmth as she lay beside him was comforting - until the small hours of morning crawled by and a sudden thought hit her that filled her with icy fear:

_What if the day came when she woke to a cold, empty space beside her?_

_No. _

_Life without him was too painful to contemplate..._

Weeping quietly was difficult to do for fear of breaking his rest, and her pillow was damp and her chest ached by the time she finally gave in to sleep, and that sleep was a deep one that carried her through until morning finally broke.

* * *

><p>"Clara," he whispered.<p>

She opened her eyes and shifted closer to him, and the Doctor drew in a sharp breath.

"Not so tight...the pain relief's wearing off."

She shifted back, blinked away sleep and saw a pained look in his eyes.

"I need my pills," he said, "It should help a bit – my arm is killing me!"

It was then she noticed his skin felt damp and saw that he was sweating.

She got up and left the room, took his pills from the bathroom cabinet and grabbed a glass and ran some water, filled the glass and hurried back to the bedroom.

The Doctor was sitting up when she returned, and he gratefully took the glass from her and as she cracked open the pill bottle he took it from her, tipped out two and quickly swallowed them with a mouthful of water. Clara barely had the time to take the glass from his hand as he sank back against the pillows and gave a sigh.

"It's just my arm...where he took the tissue sample. My sensitivity to pain is going through the roof again."

"Stay in bed," she said to him, "Give the tablets time to work."

"I don't have much choice about that," the Doctor replied, and then he gave another sigh as he closed his eyes for a moment, fighting off a wave of pain and weakness.

"I'm sorry," he said as he looked to Clara, "I never intended for any of this to happen...it's my fault, I should have sought treatment earlier. But I kept putting it off, thinking it was nothing until the pain got worse. By the time I knew it was serious I had no time left to play around with. How ironic, for a Time Lord to run out of time..." and he laughed softly, but sadness shaded his usually bright gaze.

Clara sat on the edge of the bed and felt a spike of fear run through her as his face paled and he gave a weary sigh. Now the medication from the day before was wearing off, the illusion was fading as sure as he was – reminding her sharply just how ill he really was.

"I think I should stay in bed today," he said to her, "I don't feel too good, Clara."

She placed her hand on his cheek as she looked into his eyes.

"And that's fine," she said softly, "You stay in bed and rest, you need to save your strength."

_"I don't have much of that left."_

As he held her gaze she felt an ache in her heart.

"Don't say that. It's not over yet."

The Doctor took hold of her hand, brought it to his lips and kissed it, then he spoke again.

"I want you to know you've made me happy, Clara Oswald – so happy that I don't even care I had to wait until the end to find you. Every moment spent with you has been worth it. And when I get worse, if it becomes clear Toby can do nothing more for me, I want you to promise me -"

"_Stop it!"_

"No, Clara, _please_..." he drew in a breath and looked exhausted once more as he gripped her hand, "_Please_ listen to me! I want to prolong my life if it can be done, but if it can't, if it gets to a point where I'm on the way out, promise me you'll get me back to the Tardis. Let me die there, in your arms..."

Clara stifled a sob as she shook her head.

"Please don't do this to me, I don't want to think about -"

"_Listen,"_ his grip on her hand tightened, _"When the end comes, take me in your arms, tell me to close my eyes and say you and me are going home, together, that I'm going home to Gallifrey..." _

Tears blurred her eyes.

"Please don't talk about it any more, I don't want to think about the end -"

"Okay, okay...don't cry. I just want to make this arrangement now, Clara... I need to know I'll die peacefully, in your arms...promise me."

He was still in pain and as she saw a look of fear in his eyes, she nodded.

"Yes," she said softly as she struggled to stem her tears, "I promise you I'll be there for you, it will be just as you want it to be, Doctor. I won't let you down."

His grip on her hand relaxed as he closed his eyes and suddenly he seemed more at ease as the worst of the pain faded out.

"_Thank you Clara," _he whispered, and he gave a sigh and his breathing began to slow to a relaxed pace as he rested once more.

Clara wiped her eyes and let go of his hand, and then she leaned over him and stroked his hair.

"Doctor?"

He breathed slowly and gave no response.

"_Doctor?" _

He heard alarm in her voice and opened his eyes.

"_I was just resting!"_

She breathed a relieved sigh.

"I'm going to cook some breakfast."

"Okay," he said closing his eyes again, "I don't want anything, I'll eat later. Let me rest."

Clara considered skipping breakfast too, but then she remembered she needed to keep her strength up, or she would be of no use to him at the time when he needed her the most.

"Okay," she said, "You rest."

And she kissed his cheek, and then she left the room and the Doctor slipped into a deep sleep once more.

* * *

><p>Clara had finished breakfast and had just made coffee when the silence was cut through by the ringing of the Doctor's phone. The sound made her freeze, as she heard it ring and then promptly stop as he answered it.<p>

The walk from the kitchen back to the bedroom was difficult as each step brought her closer to hearing news that she feared...

The Doctor thanked Toby for his call and hung up.

Then he put the phone down and looked at Clara.

"Well?"she said, "What did he have to say?"

The Doctor's expression was unreadable, she saw no fear or sadness in his eyes as he held his hand out to her.

"Come and sit with me, Clara."

"What did he say? Why did he call so soon? He said tomorrow -"

The Doctor caught her hand as she sat beside him, and he looked into her eyes and he was calm, so calm and collected she felt confused.

"Doctor, what did he say?"

"He told me he decided to test out the top end of potency scale – he started with the strongest drugs I was compatible with, and there was absolutely no effect on the tissue sample. He wants me to go back in a couple of days time and discuss pain management, I think that's the sensible thing to do, it might keep me comfortable -"

"_No!"_

Clara burst into tears.

The Doctor put his arm around her and pulled her close, bearing the pain of embracing her as much as the medication would allow. She was sobbing like she never wanted to stop, and he felt powerless.

"I'm so very sorry Clara," he whispered, "I'm going to keep fighting this thing as long as I can, I can't promise you more than that."

And she carried on sobbing as he held her.

* * *

><p>Back at the ship, after ending the phone call, Toby put the phone down and sat in silence in his office, still looking at the test results on the screen in front of him.<p>

As Maria entered the room she caught the look in his eyes and then she walked over to him and put her arm around him.

"Is it really that bad?"

Toby gave a sigh.

"I can't treat him successfully," he said, "I never should have tried in the first place – it's not a cancer, it's something else and I can't identify it - and I have no medication or effective course of treatment that will make a difference to the Doctor. I feel so bad about it because I know what a sacrifice he made, I know why he came to me for help..." and he blinked away tears, "I can totally understand a decision made out of love, Maria."

"I wonder if he's told her yet," she said, and Toby shook his head.

"_I doubt if he'll want her to ever know his reasons. And I have no intention of telling Miss Oswald what her lover was hiding. The Doctor acted out of deepest love for her. I respect that."_

"What a choice to have to make," Maria replied, "I was half afraid she'd guessed the truth when she started asking me questions. But I managed to change the subject."

"She won't work it out," he replied, "At least the Doctor knows he's kept_ that_ secret safe."

Then he looked again at the scan of the mutated tissue.

"What is it?" he said, "I don't understand it, the data base can't understand it...I'm looking at a mutated, alien _what_?"

Maria frowned.

"Well I'm not medically trained, so I'm probably the wrong person to ask, but as you're asking me, now I'm looking at it, I'm recalling the days when you were starting out on the database and you put in all those illegal copies of the files you couldn't afford to pay for...the _virus_ database."

He looked again at the screen.

"But the database said it wasn't a virus"

"_But the database can't identify it because it's not human."_

Suddenly an idea hit him, and he stared at her.

"You," he said, pausing to grab her and kiss her, "Are not only an amazing pilot, but brilliant in more ways than you know!"

Maria smiled.

"I have no clue what you're talking about, but I'm happy to take the praise. Now explain?"

Toby began to run a program, and quickly input new data.

"I'm running a simulation...I'll soon tell you if you really are brilliant or if I'm just hoping..."

She looked over his shoulder as the simulation began.

"What are you hoping for?" she asked him.

He replied as he watched the on screen simulation began.

"I'm thinking, super charged leukocytes could handle this, they would be up for a fight with just about anything right now! Also, think about it, all those journeys through the time stream, the Doctor's ship is a time machine, Maria! That means the donor cells would already be halfway to compatible with his – plus the fact she's his lover, that's _got_ to help the match – even if it isn't perfect, I can run it though the cell manipulator to _make_ it a match, at least I can make it close enough to not be rejected... _if_ this is a virus, _if_ I'm right, and I don't know if I am because I'm working on my own theory, separate from the database contents...If I'm right it might just work!"

She looked at him in confusion.

"I don't understand a word you just said, I'm a pilot, not a medic!"

He was still watching the screen.

"_Of course, if I am right, the Doctor is going to have to tell Clara everything, whether he wants to or not – his life will depend on it."_

And he continued to watch as the simulation played out on the screen.

* * *

><p>The Doctor had held Clara until her tears had stopped.<p>

Now he was sitting up, resting against pillows as she sat beside him. She had fallen silent, and as far as the Doctor was concerned, that was _not_ a good thing, because Clara was never silent for too long.

"We might have more time than you think," he said, breaking the silence, "I'm not feeling too bad now the pain meds have kicked in. Maybe I'll last for a while like this. We could still have some time together, enough to think about _your_ future at least."

Clara looked at him, her eyes were red from crying and her voice was still tearful as she spoke in reply.

"My future? Without you?"

The look in his eyes softened as he gently clasped her hand.

"Who knows, maybe we'll have time for making babies – at least _one_ baby. I've stopped treatment now, I won't have any trouble getting you pregnant if its what you want."

"Is that what _you_ want?" she asked him.

"I just want to know you can carry on without me," he replied, "I need to know that for my peace of mind. I'm terrified to leave you behind feeling hopeless."

And the tiny spark of hope he saw in her eyes gave him hope that his worst fears would prove unfounded – perhaps Clara could carry on without him when the time came...

"Well there's nothing stopping me," she said, "I can have a baby with you if I want to."

"What about soldier boy?"

"Danny? I finished with him, Doctor."

He managed the ghost of a smile.

"I've waited so long to hear you say those words. I'm glad. Even now time is running out for us, I'm still glad because it means you're mine completely. It's all I've ever wanted."

Clara paused for a moment and then she spoke cautiously, unsure of the reaction she would get to such an unexpected question.

"Maybe we could get married...if you want to, I don't know, maybe you don't -"

"Maybe I_ do_ want to marry you, Clara. Maybe we should make the most of every moment I have left."

That spark of hope was back in her eyes again.

"Maybe we do have time to make plans," she agreed.

"And we'd better be quick about it," he reminded her, and then she kissed him, and continued to sit at his bedside, holding on to his hand as they both thought about the choices they hoped they still had as they faced the prospect of a limited future.

* * *

><p>Back at the ship, the simulation was ending.<p>

As the last sequence began to unfold, Toby looked to Maria.

"Well that's settled," he said, "The Doctor will _have _to tell Clara everything, because this is his only chance."

"But he doesn't want her to know about -"

"_He has to tell her. _She's going to want to know why she's the only person who can save him. Like I said, right now her leukocytes are so highly charged they could take on absolutely anything!"

"I don't even know what a leukocyte is," Maria told him.

"White blood cells. Her immune system!"

And he looked back at the screen.

"See what's happening?"

"I still don't know what I'm looking at, what_ am _I looking at?" she asked him as the final sequence completed.

Toby smiled as he looked into the eyes of his lover.

"_You're looking at what I've been searching for ever since I started treating the Doctor," _he said, _"A miracle."_

* * *

><p>As Clara sat with the Doctor, their hands linked as they considered the prospect of having little time left to spend together, they both fell silent, neither feeling the need to weep or mourn for all that could not be.<p>

There was just this, the realisation that every moment from now onwards would be precious, and they had to make it count.

Bound together by love, a quiet acceptance of the inevitable had come over them, and neither wanted to waste time fighting it when time mattered so much to both of them.

They knew the end was coming, and they would make the most of the time he had left...

And then the silence was broken by a sound neither the Doctor nor Clara had expected to hear:

_The Doctor's phone was ringing again, and that call was about to change everything..._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The Doctor was weak and tired.

As he leaned heavily on Clara and she led him over to the Tardis, he paused as his hand pressed against the door of the only place in the universe he truly thought of as home.

"We have to do this," she reminded him, "Toby said he's come up with something -"

"And I'm probably wasting my time," the Doctor replied, "What could be so special or remarkable that he's found it so quickly and he wants to put me through more treatment? I don't think I can stand up to it."

"But we have to try, he said you'll understand when he explains."

He looked into Clara's eyes, and the hope he saw shining there was all the incentive he needed to ignore the pain and weakness and push on with his journey.

They went inside the Tardis and the Doctor closed the door, then as he walked wearily over to the console, he paused to lean on it, listened to the familiar hum of the place and suddenly the walls that surrounded him felt like the sweetest of embraces.

"I thought the last time I'd see this place was at the end," he said, "And now I feel that end might be closer than I thought – this standing up and walking thing, it's not working for me. I feel like I'm about to pass out. I want to go to bed and stay there – _here_, I mean, here in the Tardis. _And I want you to hold me in your arms._"

Clara looked at him. She saw how pale and tired he seemed all of a sudden despite the meds, as if the life was draining from him, and now the look of hope that had shone in her eyes was replaced by one of defiance.

"You're not giving up yet!" she told him, and he gave a sigh and set the destination, and as he weakly reached for a lever, she grasped it too, they threw it together, and the Tardis took flight on a very short journey.

* * *

><p>The Tardis materialised on board the ship, and as the sound of the engines faded out, the Doctor paused again at the console, looked around the room and thought of every journey he had ever travelled, concluding this short flight because he was too weak to walk would most likely be his last. And then, leaning on Clara for support, they left the Tardis and stepped out into the corridor of the medical ship.<p>

As Toby met them in the corridor, he looked to the Doctor and then to Clara, knowing this mix of good and bad news would not be exactly what the Doctor wanted to hear:

_Yes, there was a cure, but the price would be total honesty with Clara over a matter he did not want to discuss with her, possibly, he had intended never to tell her about it...and now, he had no choice..._

"Come with me," Toby said, "I need to explain everything," and he led the Doctor and Clara in the direction of his office.

* * *

><p>When they entered the office, Maria was present, which struck Clara as unusual because she had never seen the professor's partner take an interest in his work before...<p>

Maria looked at her and noticed the expression in her eyes and seemed to read her mind.

"I'm just here to help out if I'm needed," she said.

Clara frowned.

"But you're a pilot..."

"Please sit down," Toby said, and the Doctor took a seat beside Clara, then he reached over and grasped her hand as he waited to hear the news.

"I'm feeling lousy. More than that, I don't think I have much time to sit around talking about _maybes_, so please make this brief. I've already decided I won't be dying here, Toby. I'm going back to the Tardis with Clara, I can't waste time on remote possibilities that could kill me anyway."

"No this isn't a possibility," he said to him, "This is a definite cure. I've identified the problem. The scanner couldn't work it out because you're alien and all it has to go on is its vast archive of human tissue disorders. But I know what's wrong now and I can cure it, there's no doubt about it."

Clara stared at him.

The Doctor was staring too, as if he was almost afraid to believe all he had just heard.

"It...it's a _cure?_" he said.

"Yes it is, I've run a simulation and included the changes to cover your alien DNA and it came out one hundred percent effective. A _complete_ cure."

"What's wrong with me?" the Doctor asked.

"Well I know nothing about your race, Doctor – but based on what you told me, I'd say, when the regeneration occurred it was rapid and incomplete, hence the reason the kidneys were replaced last of all. And because the dying body was aged and the immune system was low, the old kidneys that remained for a split second before the replacement kicked in carried in a virus – which then mutated as it got caught in the regeneration process."

Clara's hand tightened in the Doctor's grip.

"You really can cure him?"

He hesitated, looking to Clara and then to the Doctor.

"If I told you super charged white blood cells from a donor whose immune system is currently ready to kick ass for the whole of the galaxy can wipe it out in a simple transfusion, what would you say?"

The Doctor's eyes widened in surprise, and then took on a shade of alarm.

He looked to Clara, and again she felt a strange prickle of suspicion:

_She had been missing something all the long, of course she had, because now she saw it in the Doctor's eyes – he had been keeping a secret from her..._

"Doctor?" she said, "What's this about? What am I not being told?"

And the look in his eyes changed to one of utter panic.

"I can't do this today," he said quickly, and struggled to get up from his seat, "I need some time -"

"You don't _have_ any time left!" Clara told him, now she was up too, grabbing his arm as he swayed on his feet.

"I can't do this now. I need time alone with you, at home, I need to talk to you, I need to explain!"

"Say it now, get it over with, you need this treatment, your life depends on it!"

He blinked away tears and spoke apologetically as he replied.

"And you _are _my life and I don't want to risk losing you, I need to talk to you but not now, _not_ here -"

"You need the transfusion now!"

"I can wait."

"_Doctor!"_

He pushed away her hand on his arm, swayed again and turned for the door.

"I can't do this right now," he said weakly.

Clara looked back at Toby.

"Stop him!"

"I can't," he said, "It has to be his decision."

"_What_ is going on?" Clara demanded, and she stepped forward to make a grab for the Doctor's sleeve was he opened the door.

"_Wait!"_

The Doctor looked back at her. All trace of colour had drained from his face now.

"_I'm so sorry I didn't tell you,"_ he said, and then he slumped to the floor in a dead faint.

* * *

><p>What followed was a frightening five minutes as Toby checked the Doctor's pulse and breathing, while Clara stood there watching and feeling powerless.<p>

"He's weak, he's just passed out again," Toby said, and then as he looked up at her, he asked a question:

"It's your call now. He needs the transfusion, he won't last without it. Are you willing to make the choice for him?"

Clara nodded without hesitation.

"Take my blood, do what you have to do," she said as she looked down at the Doctor, who was still unconscious, "And once he's being treated and I know he's on the mend I want a full explanation, I don't care if its from you, or her -" she glanced to Maria, "But I deserve to know the truth. I want to know _exactly_ what he's been hiding from me."

"Of course," Toby said, "You deserve that much. I would have preferred it to come from him, the Doctor made me promise I wouldn't say anything about it – but I will tell you everything, as soon as I've treated him."

And then between the three of them, they lifted the Doctor from the floor and took him through to the treatment room.

Clara did not care about another needle in her arm, the pain of it was the last thing on her mind as she gave the blood that would save the Doctor's life.

But she kept thinking and wondering:

_What could be so terrible that he had almost turned his back on life saving treatment to avoid telling her about it?_

_What the hell was he hiding?_

The more she thought about it, the more it began to dawn on her that she had perhaps missed a great deal that she ought to have picked up on, but it had been brushed aside, because her concerns had been entirely for the Doctor.

Something was apparent now, but she still couldn't figure it out.

There was something glaringly obvious she should have seen right from the start, something he_ should_ have told her. The pieces of the puzzle were not quite in place yet, but they soon would be...

* * *

><p>Less than an hour after she had given blood, she watched as a machine worked to separate the cells and prepare the fluids for transfusion.<p>

Maria was still hanging around the treatment room...keeping an eye on her? Did she perhaps think she might fly into a rage when Toby explained the truth?

Clara did not know what to think, but she held back from asking just a short while longer as she watched Toby connect the IV line and the Doctor's transfusion began as he lay unconscious on the bed.

Clara looked on and said a silent prayer for her Time Lord lover, and then she stepped away from the bed and looked Toby in the eye.

"Tell me what's going on!"

Toby glanced back at the Doctor.

"Not here, not right now – I need to watch him, he's going to be waking soon."

"Clara," Maria said, "Come through to the office with me."

"Maybe you should wait," Toby said, "Maybe the Doctor should tell her -"

"She needs to know!" Maria said to him, "I'll handle this."

Clara looked at her doubtfully.

"Don't assume you can handle anything until I know what the secret is!" she exclaimed, "I've had enough of being kept in the dark!"

"Just come through to the office with me," Maria said again, "I'll tell you everything, Clara."

And Clara glanced back at the Doctor, saw he was breathing easily, noticed some colour was returning to his face, and she felt a wave of relief pass through her, she could see it now, the treatment was working. Knowing that was enough for now, and she turned away and followed Maria from the room, keen to discover exactly what the Doctor had been so afraid to tell her.

* * *

><p>As Maria closed the office door, Clara looked hard at her.<p>

"Come on, then, out with it! What's such a big secret that the Doctor was afraid to tell me?"

"Clara, sit down with me, it's going to take some explaining -"

Anger flashed in Clara's eyes.

"No, you owe me the truth!"

Maria went over to a sofa at the back f the room and sat down.

"Please, just sit for a minute?"

Clara gave a sigh of impatience and went over to the sofa and joined her, sitting heavily as she looked at her with a frosty expression.

"_I want the truth."_

Maria hesitated, then as she spoke again, Clara's expression changed to one of confusion:

"_We didn't bring the ship down because of a programming fault,"_ she said, _"The Doctor picked up on us passing in the time stream and we responded to his SOS. The Tardis signal was much stronger than our systems can handle and it knocked out our guidance, that's why we had to land when we did._"

Clara stared at her.

"But he said -"

"He kept a great deal back from you, he did it because he loves you."

Clara's eyes clouded with confusion."I keep hearing this. It's like a broken record, Toby said it, you said, he loves me, its because he loves me, you'd do the same if it was you or Toby...I _still_ don't understand."

Maria paused again before speaking.

"The Doctor had asked the Tardis to run a scan to try and identify the source of his pain. All it could come up with was a regeneration complication, causing a form of cell mutation that was life threatening. But the Tardis didn't just scan the Doctor. It scanned the whole ship – and also scanned _you_."

"Me? What have I got to do with this? I still don't get that part."

"This is going to come as a shock," Maria said to her, "I'm trying to explain to you carefully -"

"I've watched the Doctor fight for his life, I've had to think about life without him, about losing him, don't tell me _anything_ could be worse than that! Just tell me the truth, it's all I'm asking."

Maria paused for thought again.

"_Clara, there's no easy way to tell you this. When the Tardis ran the scan the Doctor didn't just find out he had the regeneration complication. He found out you were in the early stages of developing __Leukaemia."_

Clara drew in a shocked breath as she stared at her in disbelief.

"No, that can't be right, I felt okay -"

"Because it was in the early stages," Maria replied, and then she continued: "He scanned the time stream and found our ship, knowing it was from the future and could wipe out the cancer with a series of injections, he sent us an SOS. He always knew there was little chance that a human centred medical ship could treat a Time Lord with a regeneration complication, but your survival was never in doubt."

Clara's face had paled.

"I was seriously ill and he didn't tell me? _How_ could he keep that from me?"

"He had a choice to make," Maria told her, "Between searching for help for himself, or getting you treated and then relying on human treatment methods to cure his own problem because he was out of time. He chose your life over his own. He wanted you to live no matter what happened to him. He almost lost his life over it, too. He would have died if Toby hadn't remembered the treatment you've received has left your immune system supercharged for a short time – meaning it can wipe out just about any threat, including his cell mutations."

She shook her head.

"No, he couldn't have kept that from me – I could have died, and he didn't tell me?"

"Your life was never in danger, Clara! Where we come from a simple course of injections can wipe out cancer! He would have told you afterwards, he probably would have told you very soon, he just didn't want you to know until it was over. He didn't want you to be frightened."

The news was sinking in.

Clara felt as if the shock of it had knocked the air from her lungs:

_She had been handed a death sentence, and the Doctor had taken it away, he had found a cure for her..._

_She could have died?_

_Would she have died if he had not intervened?_

She wanted to be angry with him for keeping so much back.

But the more she thought about it, everything made sense – how he had shed tears over her taking the shots, how he had been anxious she did not miss a single injection, even when he was too ill to get out of bed, his only thought had been for her...

The shock had hit her properly now:

_She had been ill, and the Doctor had been forced to choose between a definite cure for her and a doubtful one for himself, ensuring her survival while considerably decreasing his own odds of making it..._

Her eyes were blurring with tears as she started to shake.

"It's okay," Maria said gently, "You're fine now, you're cured. And the Doctor is going to get better too, thanks to your white blood cells. It's all going to be okay," and as Clara gave a sob, she drew her into a comforting embrace and held her as she wept.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

As the Doctor began to wake, he knew at once the pain was gone. He felt warm and the aches and pains had melted away, and then as he felt relieved to know Toby had been right, his joy was dashed aside as he wondered exactly what Clara knew...

_Would she be able to forgive him for keeping such a terrible secret from her?_

_It was about her life, and he had told her nothing..._

And then he saw her there, she was beside his bed.

She was holding on to his hand and the smile she gave him as he looked into his eyes made him want to shed tears of sweet relief.

"I do know," she told him,"I know _everything_ now."

She paused, taking in a deep breath as she composed herself and held back on crying, instead she ran her hand over his hair and looked at him with an expression of deepest, warmest devotion.

"_Maria told me everything."_

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"And that's fine."

"_Really?"_

"Yes, really," she promised him, "I know you put yourself in a lot of danger, at a lot of risk, just to make sure I was okay. And because of my cure, I was able to save you with a transfusion of my blood, so I'd say that makes us even now. _You saved me, I saved you. And its all fine. So stop looking so worried, I love you._"

Then she leaned closer and gently kissed him, and that kiss sealed a promise that everything really was going to be just fine...

* * *

><p>The Doctor rested at the ship until morning.<p>

Overnight, Clara had watched as he rapidly recovered, and she felt sure she was witnessing the closest she would ever get to a true miracle.

By morning, it was as if the Doctor's condition had never existed. The recovery was so rapid that it was only when she thought about how her own life had been saved that she realised two wonderful things had happened, it was just that she hadn't known about her own cure until afterwards...

It was early dawn when the Doctor and Clara said goodbye to Toby and Maria, and Clara had hugged them both and even though she had said _thank you_ several times, it seemed as if no words would ever be enough for all they had done for both of them.

And then the Doctor and Clara stepped back into the Tardis, and as it took off, the house at the end of the street faded, and a second roar of engines was heard as the cloaked ship left earth and set off on its own journey through the time stream.

* * *

><p>As the Tardis passed through time and space easily and the console room filled with the old familiar hum, Clara watched as the Doctor checked the controls, and as she watched him, she felt a wave of emotion wash over her.<p>

_He looked fine._

_He was going to be okay._

_It was just hitting home now, it really was over._

_No more fear, no more looking to the future with dread and uncertainty..._

_She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, and she wanted to make him promise never to take such a risk with his own life again, not for her, not for anyone, because she didn't want to live in a world that didn't have him in it._

_Clara wanted to say a lot of things, but instead she just watched him at the console and smiled, knowing everything was just fine._

Then as she walked over to him, the Doctor turned to her and their eyes met.

"Thanks," he said softly.

"What for?" she asked.

"For everything. For being there for me, for staying around when things got rough, for not giving up on me – and most of all I'm thankful you forgave me for hiding so much from you."

"And I told you it's fine," she promised him, "And it's over now, and we can -"

"Pick up where we left off?" he suggested, "That's a good idea, Clara...you and me and all of time and space. Just like before."

"No..."

"_No?"_

He fixed her with a gaze that held her and she felt awkward as she recalled all those plans they had made when he thought his time was running out.

"What do you mean, _no_?" he asked again.

"I was just thinking about the plans we made... _you and me_..."

She had spoken cautiously as she looked into his eyes.

The Doctor laughed softly.

"Oh Clara, that was then! Everything has changed, I'm okay, you're okay, we can forget about all that now! Leave it in the past!"

She tried to hide her disappointment, but he saw it in her eyes.

"Okay," she replied, "I suppose it's for the best, moving on from all we went through, getting back to normal... we didn't exactly made those plans under the best of circumstances, did we? You're right, we should forget about it."

"Right," he agreed, "Let's forget all about it, and carry on as before, just you and me."

He smiled.

She smiled too, and then she turned away from him as her smile faded and disappointment clouded her eyes, as she watched the screen as the Tardis travelled gracefully through black space punctured by more stars than she could count.

The Doctor had turned back to the console.

He glanced at Clara, saw her back was turned, and quietly walked over to her, surprising her with a kiss on the cheek as he joined her and they looked out at the darkness and the stars together.

"Yes," she said again, "You're right. We should forget about all of it – everything is okay now, it's best to forget about the things we said when everything seemed hopeless, I mean, it's okay now...so you're right, we should forget all that."

"_But not this."_

She turned and looked at him.

The Doctor reached into his jacket pocket, clumsily fumbled around, brought nothing out of it and then laughed as she saw a brief flash of shyness about his nervous glance.

"Sorry, wrong pocket...oh yes, here it is... We should definitely_ not_ forget about this, Clara... Actually, I've had this for a while, I just never got around to giving it to you, and I think now would be the best time to do it."

And he held out a small, velvet covered box and opened the lid.

Her eyes lit up with joy as she started to smile at the sight of the diamond ring he offered her.

"Will you marry me, Clara?" he said, and she laughed and nodded and blinked away tears of happiness, then she threw her arms around him and they embraced and kissed and that kiss lingered on as they held on and the Tardis carried them onwards, through a velvet night of stars that seemed to stretch on forever.

End


End file.
